Lyla Wolfenstein

i told sandra i'd write up some of our deschooling experiences for always learning/her site - about the transformation from a long period ( 2 years or his whole life, depending how you look at it!) of hibernation/cacooning, to where we are now, with my son (11) wanting to be OUT and DOING and EXPERIENCING all of a sudden. this newfound external focus could just as easily be about electronics/video gaming, food, sugar, sleep, as it could be about that common "hibernation" phase so many seem to go through.
it's partly about leaving school, but it's partly just about temperament and maturation, too, because he'd always been disinterested in much outside home and family, from way before he was in school. i can write in more detail about the electronics/food/sleep part in a different post - suffice it to say he was one of "those" kids who i worried and fretted about "never" stopping "if i let" him play video games all day, etc. as soon as i stopped worrying and really truly embraced his passion for it, even when it looked like (and was) withdrawal - depression even - he emerged out of it and now i practically have to beg him to play a video game or watch an episode of south park, if i am not ready to go go go to do something with him. :)
i would have said "not my kid" with vehemence a few years ago - to anyone who dared suggest that he could and would learn to recognize his own needs around food, sugar, video games, t.v, activities, etc. - even though i fully trusted *other people's kids* to do so (sounds awful now, to me, to say that, but it's true) and i would have been - no, WAS - more wrong than i ever could have imagined. i hope anybody struggling with those doubts will take heart from our experience.
we've been unschooling for 2 years now, since he was 9.5. most of those 2 years have been spent with very little interest on his part in anything much beyond the walls of our house, or even anything within the walls that resembled "learning", projects, or experiencing anything new. many many hours each day were spent watching episodes online, playing wow or other video games (it was wii games before wow), and not even being particularly happy while doing it. it's been a long long couple of years for this extravert, and for his sister too, whose need to be out in the world, and socially connected, were always being balanced with his need for just the opposite.
but wow - we have a big hunger here all of a sudden. a hunger for knowledge. for experience. for skills.

things have shifted so drastically here in the last 2 weeks my head is seriously spinning. he has emerged from a prolonged period of "hibernation" or "cacooning", and has thrown himself full fledge into LIFE outside these walls, and within them.

a few days ago he said "i want you to just plan stuff to do and just tell me what we are doing, more" - this from a boy who previously couldn't tolerate being told we were going to have a fire in the fireplace, or that *i* was going to take a shower, without consulting him.

so he and i spent four hours downtown, all planned by me - and we had a blast! then the next day, within a minute of awaking, he said first "mom, what do i GET to do today" (not "have to")! i said i was thinking the soaking pool (hot pool on an 18 degree day) sounded good, and he said "great! and then afterward, i need to do something where i can LEARN something - a new skill, or something" :O

so, we made toffee - without a candy thermometer, to learn about and experiment with the hard crack stage of candy making...something new to me too. and he has already chosen 2 things off the white board to do as well - and done one. the white board is another new addition. he agreed, enthusiastically, to write all the stuff he's interested in doing and trying and places he wants to go on there, so we can remember and have something to inspire us when trying to think of things. this is something he's resisted for 2 years. :)

that same day, after the soaking pool, and the candy making, he did some drawing - an illustration of the next mythical creature he is going to write about in his book he is writing, he made a shrinkydink (referring to the white board for ideas), and picked up dinner for the family. and that was a "low productivity" day because i was out all morning with my daughter for her college orientation.

other things we've done/experienced/planned: he completed the ceramic class series he started last month, and we already signed up for the next one, and also a wood shop class taught by the same teacher, who he went from saying he didn't really like (much to my surprise because he seemed awesome) to saying he really liked him and LOVES ceramics.

he and his dad made a morse code electronic tapper device, and are now midway into making a crystal radio...his christmas gifts have several things to make and do as well :)

we have gone to the open pottery studio at the art center, where he made several pots amongst the all adult participants.
we have discovered archery and been to the archery range 4 times in 10 days. he got a bow for christmas and we are trying to figure out how to set up a practice target in our basement, too.
he has signed up for two classes (with history/current events themes) at the local home school resource center - which really blew me away because not only has he resisted anything outside of home, anything formally about "learning" has been on the "majorly resisted" list - and then add in group activity, and i pretty much hadn't thought about anything like it being worthwhile offering!
we are also travelling to california next week to visit family and friends - and what used to be significant anxiety about such a trip is now just pure excitement and anticipation.
he has also thoroughly enjoyed a song writing program he got for christmas, composing multiple songs and really growing in his "feel" for music, with no formal training or experience. we've been to the horse track - betting on races (his picks, me doing the betting, due to age laws) and learning about how that works (new to both of us).
he has read science articles in magazines, discovered and shared new information from online sources, read political columns in the newspaper, and explored numerous other ways of stimulating his intellect and creativity.
he's made a paper mache hedgehog, bought and prepped colored glass for mosaic, and has several other projects on the burner.
many many things that have previously been labeled "stupid" or "boring" have made "the list" on the white board and are now plans! we are in a whole new phase of life and it's now impossible for me to even try to envision what comes next - which is very inspiring for all of us involved! i hope it's inspiring to others too - whose kids may be in that hibernation phase. for us it was ALL about trusting that that is where he needed to be right then, and that if and when he needed something different, he'd find his way to that. and he certainly has!

lyla






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

nicola Phillips

WOW - what an amazing 2yr life story :-) .. .. may 2010 be full of learning for you all .. xx xx xx
my son 2.3/4 has discovered TV and the DVD machine. all he has done is watch hours and hours of various kids tv.. often the same DVD 6 times in a row 'where the wild things are' is the fave, as is 'shrek 2' and big bird from sesame st (friend got him dvd for xmas - we don't have sesame st in uk :-( its amazing wish we did ) - normal development im sure !!-
haven't introduced computer games yet - but i am using the computer in front of him - waiting for him to show interest in it ! when I'm on comp he says 'Mummy doing her work' i say yes i am !! although I'm just pottering on FB or reading my mails !! lol (i don't work I'm full time mummy!)

Today we spent until 1pm watching DVD's then Teddie took a nap - then took the dogs for a walk .. when we got in Teddie said 'ive had a lovely day today' .. .. broke my heart , was the cutest thing he has said. :-) lesson - i need to stop rushing about and just chill at home more , Ive had a good day too .. stress free.

much love and happy new year xx Nicola xx



--- In [email protected], "Lyla Wolfenstein" <lylaw@...> wrote:
>
> i told sandra i'd write up some of our deschooling experiences for always learning/her site - about the transformation from a long period ( 2 years or his whole life, depending how you look at it!) of hibernation/cacooning, to where we are now, with my son (11) wanting to be OUT and DOING and EXPERIENCING all of a sudden. this newfound external focus could just as easily be about electronics/video gaming, food, sugar, sleep, as it could be about that common "hibernation" phase so many seem to go through.
> it's partly about leaving school, but it's partly just about temperament and maturation, too, because he'd always been disinterested in much outside home and family, from way before he was in school. i can write in more detail about the electronics/food/sleep part in a different post - suffice it to say he was one of "those" kids who i worried and fretted about "never" stopping "if i let" him play video games all day, etc. as soon as i stopped worrying and really truly embraced his passion for it, even when it looked like (and was) withdrawal - depression even - he emerged out of it and now i practically have to beg him to play a video game or watch an episode of south park, if i am not ready to go go go to do something with him. :)
> i would have said "not my kid" with vehemence a few years ago - to anyone who dared suggest that he could and would learn to recognize his own needs around food, sugar, video games, t.v, activities, etc. - even though i fully trusted *other people's kids* to do so (sounds awful now, to me, to say that, but it's true) and i would have been - no, WAS - more wrong than i ever could have imagined. i hope anybody struggling with those doubts will take heart from our experience.
> we've been unschooling for 2 years now, since he was 9.5. most of those 2 years have been spent with very little interest on his part in anything much beyond the walls of our house, or even anything within the walls that resembled "learning", projects, or experiencing anything new. many many hours each day were spent watching episodes online, playing wow or other video games (it was wii games before wow), and not even being particularly happy while doing it. it's been a long long couple of years for this extravert, and for his sister too, whose need to be out in the world, and socially connected, were always being balanced with his need for just the opposite.
> but wow - we have a big hunger here all of a sudden. a hunger for knowledge. for experience. for skills.
>
> things have shifted so drastically here in the last 2 weeks my head is seriously spinning. he has emerged from a prolonged period of "hibernation" or "cacooning", and has thrown himself full fledge into LIFE outside these walls, and within them.
>
> a few days ago he said "i want you to just plan stuff to do and just tell me what we are doing, more" - this from a boy who previously couldn't tolerate being told we were going to have a fire in the fireplace, or that *i* was going to take a shower, without consulting him.
>
> so he and i spent four hours downtown, all planned by me - and we had a blast! then the next day, within a minute of awaking, he said first "mom, what do i GET to do today" (not "have to")! i said i was thinking the soaking pool (hot pool on an 18 degree day) sounded good, and he said "great! and then afterward, i need to do something where i can LEARN something - a new skill, or something" :O
>
> so, we made toffee - without a candy thermometer, to learn about and experiment with the hard crack stage of candy making...something new to me too. and he has already chosen 2 things off the white board to do as well - and done one. the white board is another new addition. he agreed, enthusiastically, to write all the stuff he's interested in doing and trying and places he wants to go on there, so we can remember and have something to inspire us when trying to think of things. this is something he's resisted for 2 years. :)
>
> that same day, after the soaking pool, and the candy making, he did some drawing - an illustration of the next mythical creature he is going to write about in his book he is writing, he made a shrinkydink (referring to the white board for ideas), and picked up dinner for the family. and that was a "low productivity" day because i was out all morning with my daughter for her college orientation.
>
> other things we've done/experienced/planned: he completed the ceramic class series he started last month, and we already signed up for the next one, and also a wood shop class taught by the same teacher, who he went from saying he didn't really like (much to my surprise because he seemed awesome) to saying he really liked him and LOVES ceramics.
>
> he and his dad made a morse code electronic tapper device, and are now midway into making a crystal radio...his christmas gifts have several things to make and do as well :)
>
> we have gone to the open pottery studio at the art center, where he made several pots amongst the all adult participants.
> we have discovered archery and been to the archery range 4 times in 10 days. he got a bow for christmas and we are trying to figure out how to set up a practice target in our basement, too.
> he has signed up for two classes (with history/current events themes) at the local home school resource center - which really blew me away because not only has he resisted anything outside of home, anything formally about "learning" has been on the "majorly resisted" list - and then add in group activity, and i pretty much hadn't thought about anything like it being worthwhile offering!
> we are also travelling to california next week to visit family and friends - and what used to be significant anxiety about such a trip is now just pure excitement and anticipation.
> he has also thoroughly enjoyed a song writing program he got for christmas, composing multiple songs and really growing in his "feel" for music, with no formal training or experience. we've been to the horse track - betting on races (his picks, me doing the betting, due to age laws) and learning about how that works (new to both of us).
> he has read science articles in magazines, discovered and shared new information from online sources, read political columns in the newspaper, and explored numerous other ways of stimulating his intellect and creativity.
> he's made a paper mache hedgehog, bought and prepped colored glass for mosaic, and has several other projects on the burner.
> many many things that have previously been labeled "stupid" or "boring" have made "the list" on the white board and are now plans! we are in a whole new phase of life and it's now impossible for me to even try to envision what comes next - which is very inspiring for all of us involved! i hope it's inspiring to others too - whose kids may be in that hibernation phase. for us it was ALL about trusting that that is where he needed to be right then, and that if and when he needed something different, he'd find his way to that. and he certainly has!
>
> lyla
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Ed Wendell

Our son is going through a hibernation stage as a teen. Has anyone else had a teen go through a hibernation stage as a teen? Zachariah is 15.5. This cocooning started about a year ago.


Lisa W.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-Our son is going through a hibernation stage as a teen. Has anyone
else had a teen go through a hibernation stage as a teen? Zachariah is
15.5. This cocooning started about a year ago.-=-

All of mine have, and my husband has, too, and I have too.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robin Bentley

I'd say my daughter (14.5) is hibernating, with occasional forays out
for nuts and berries <g>.

But then Michelle has always been somewhat of a homebody, so it's
nothing really new for her. Home seems especially appealing these
days, however. She connects with her friends on-line (or by phone,
sometimes) along with visits now and again. She has a room she loves
(recently painted purple, with black and red furniture), creative
things to do (clay modelling, writing, drawing, reading), fun things
to do (play her DSi, play WoW, check out deviantArt and other sites),
food and drink at hand, and hugs, a listening ear, or a snuggle on the
couch to watch tv or a movie when she needs some connection time with
us.

It seems to me that she is growing into herself more and becoming
comfortable with who she is through being solitary. She has the space
and time to do that, which she wouldn't have had in school (something
I wish I had had). Michelle's on a nocturnal kind of schedule right
now, too, so she has time to just be with herself in a big way.

She's naturally an introvert, as I am. She says "Yes, I'm a nerd, but
prefer the term "intellectual bad-ass." She didn't make that up, but
when she saw the group on Facebook, she joined immediately!

I'm not sure if it helps to know this, since I don't know if Zachariah
is a get-out-there-and-do-things kind of guy and this is a strange
turn of events. But I do think that maybe teens need time to take
stock, as they see themselves growing up and eventually away from
their childhood.

Robin B.

On Jan 2, 2010, at 12:38 PM, Ed Wendell wrote:

> Our son is going through a hibernation stage as a teen. Has anyone
> else had a teen go through a hibernation stage as a teen? Zachariah
> is 15.5. This cocooning started about a year ago.
>

Ed Wendell

I laughed out loud when I read this - thanks Saundra!!! - as I realized that I too go through this - and now that I think about it I too am going though a hibernation right now -

Lisa W.


All of mine have, and my husband has, too, and I have too.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ed Wendell

Oh my, that is our son right now too - though his forays for nuts and berries always include us, his parents. But he often will say he prefers to stay at home. I was on vacation for 2 weeks over the holidays and when I'd offer to go do things like a movie he'd say I don't really want to go anywhere. Though he is enjoying things like Blockbuster - renting movies and watching them together. He does get out about once a week but it is always with us - his parents. He does not do on-line chats, emails, phone calls. He plays games and watches TV/movies/stuff on-line/looks up music to listen to, reads a small bit if he gets a new Manga in a series he likes.

He takes horse back riding lessons - he and I both do - so he does go out on Tuesday evenings.


He has never been a homebody before now - that is why I was asking.


Lisa W.

From: Robin Bentley

I'd say my daughter (14.5) is hibernating, with occasional forays out
for nuts and berries <g>.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

Lisa, thanks for the description.

-=-Oh my, that is our son right now too - though his forays for nuts
and berries always include us, his parents. But he often will say he
prefers to stay at home. I was on vacation for 2 weeks over the
holidays and when I'd offer to go do things like a movie he'd say I
don't really want to go anywhere. Though he is enjoying things like
Blockbuster - renting movies and watching them together. He does get
out about once a week but it is always with us - his parents. He does
not do on-line chats, emails, phone calls. He plays games and watches
TV/movies/stuff on-line/looks up music to listen to, reads a small bit
if he gets a new Manga in a series he likes.

-=-He takes horse back riding lessons - he and I both do - so he does
go out on Tuesday evenings.-=-

It sounds like he's doing a LOT of stuff, and is content. I hope
you'll try not to worry.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ed Wendell

not worrying - more like wondering.

He is busy all the time - I was not worried about him but just curious if other teens tended to cocoon and then emerge into a new era of sorts.

The traditional view is that teens are always on the go and very social.


Lisa




----- Original Message -----
From: Sandra Dodd
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, January 02, 2010 9:41 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Teen hibernation



Lisa, thanks for the description.

-=-Oh my, that is our son right now too - though his forays for nuts
and berries always include us, his parents. But he often will say he
prefers to stay at home. I was on vacation for 2 weeks over the
holidays and when I'd offer to go do things like a movie he'd say I
don't really want to go anywhere. Though he is enjoying things like
Blockbuster - renting movies and watching them together. He does get
out about once a week but it is always with us - his parents. He does
not do on-line chats, emails, phone calls. He plays games and watches
TV/movies/stuff on-line/looks up music to listen to, reads a small bit
if he gets a new Manga in a series he likes.

-=-He takes horse back riding lessons - he and I both do - so he does
go out on Tuesday evenings.-=-

It sounds like he's doing a LOT of stuff, and is content. I hope
you'll try not to worry.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ed Wendell

Just now he surface and wanted to know the cost comparison of a model T back then to today's dollar so we went hunting and found the price of a model T - then found a dollar conversion table which took us from 1777 to present day. Anyway, a model T that cost $575.00 in 1912 would cost $25,875.00 in today's dollar.

This was inspired by an email my aunt sent about the cost of things in 1909, wages, life expectancy, etc. and there was a picture of a Ford Model R.

I mention this because he is doing a lot but it is very subtle and I need to really look to see it sometimes. Drip. Drip. Drip. We get so busy living that when I stop to think about it, I often think nothing much is going on when really there is. ;) It may not be some grand art project or science project as in the past but it is still happening.

Lisa



It sounds like he's doing a LOT of stuff, and is content. I hope
you'll try not to worry.

Sandra



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

eaglefalconlark

--- In [email protected], "Ed Wendell" <ewendell@...> wrote:>>Our son is going through a hibernation stage as a teen. Has anyone else had a teen go through a hibernation stage as a teen? Zachariah is 15.5. This cocooning started about a year ago.<<

I am 43 and I still go through hibernation stages. :) For me it happens when I feel the need to internally regroup or am working on big things. It's helpful for me to focus, to not have distractions.

Linda