Ariana Zora Ziminsky

Hi,

I've been reading this list for a while, and this is my first post. I appreciate the candor and thoughtfulness on this board.

I have two boys, ages 6 and 3. As the holidays approach, the issue of "what to do with all the toys" comes to the forefront for me. The boys get a lot of presents this time of year; we have a couple different toy storage systems set up in our living room area, the playroom, their bedroom, as well as the attic. We also have a few 'overflow' boxes of toys for doodads.

Of course, at any given moment, a completely broken toy can become the "it" toy for the moment, at the center of all their imaginitive, creative play.

I am wondering how people deal with this in a way that is respectful to children, yet still honors the space we live in. In a nutshell, we need to have a way to get some toys out of the house - be it by selling them, giving them away, or tossing them in the trash.

My personal issue with this is that I have a strong tendency to save things that are 'useful' or 'good,' even if the logical side of my brain says, "It's better if we get rid of it." So, if I were to sit down with the boys and go through all the toys to decide which ones to give away, throw away, sell and keep, I can pretty much guarantee it would be **very** stressful for me, and thus, would be stressful for them as well.

I would appreciate a cut-and-dried, step-by-step, how-to on how some of you have successfully dealt with this, if there is such a thing -- probably coming from someone who is not a "keep it all"-er *or* has overcome his/her hoarding tendencies, LOL!

Thanks in advance,

- Ariana
(mama to Josiah, 6, and Jaiden, 3)









[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-I would appreciate a cut-and-dried, step-by-step, how-to on how
some of you have successfully dealt with this, if there is such a
thing -- probably coming from someone who is not a "keep it all"-er
*or* has overcome his/her hoarding tendencies, LOL! -=-

You want magic!

I think for declutter philosophy there are other sources. Some of
them sound heartless. My mom's method was to throw our stuff away
without telling us and deny it later. Not a good method.

-=-So, if I were to sit down with the boys and go through all the
toys to decide which ones to give away, throw away, sell and keep, I
can pretty much guarantee it would be **very** stressful for me, and
thus, would be stressful for them as well. -=-

Selling is stressful because you end up practically giving things
away anyway, so maybe giving away is better from the beginning, if
your kids aren't interested in getting rid of things.

Our method has pretty much been packing and stacking. When Kirby
moved out and didn't take a lot of packed-and-stacked, that was fine
because we had told him he could move back. When we went through his
stuff a year later, after he decided he really wasn't going to move
back, that was kind of stressful for me too. I don't know a way out
of that. I still have a lot of Kirby's stuff, moved to another
room. I figure someday when he gets a house I can press him to get
his stuff, and he will only really want some of it, but it will be
his decision then.

The stories of mothers throwing away baseball cards and comic books
and classic dolls and Beatles stuff are endless, and I don't want to
join that. We don't know what of the Ninja Turtle and Pokemon and
Mario stuff will be considered classic.

I don't have your answer, but I have data and reminders.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

k

In the very religious home I grew up in it was bad to value stuff and not
amazingly it was tossed without admission or apology. I'm not happy about
the dishonesty that I don't want to repeat, so I definitely err on the
keeping side especially since Karl really thinks a lot of his things. I
have asked in the past about donating and the stress around that question
let me know to keep rather than get rid of, though I would love to clear up
the space.

~Katherine



On 12/13/08, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-I would appreciate a cut-and-dried, step-by-step, how-to on how
>
> some of you have successfully dealt with this, if there is such a
> thing -- probably coming from someone who is not a "keep it all"-er
>
> *or* has overcome his/her hoarding tendencies, LOL! -=-
>
> You want magic!
>
> I think for declutter philosophy there are other sources. Some of
> them sound heartless. My mom's method was to throw our stuff away
> without telling us and deny it later. Not a good method.
>
> -=-So, if I were to sit down with the boys and go through all the
>
> toys to decide which ones to give away, throw away, sell and keep, I
> can pretty much guarantee it would be **very** stressful for me, and
>
> thus, would be stressful for them as well. -=-
>
> Selling is stressful because you end up practically giving things
> away anyway, so maybe giving away is better from the beginning, if
> your kids aren't interested in getting rid of things.
>
> Our method has pretty much been packing and stacking. When Kirby
> moved out and didn't take a lot of packed-and-stacked, that was fine
> because we had told him he could move back. When we went through his
> stuff a year later, after he decided he really wasn't going to move
> back, that was kind of stressful for me too. I don't know a way out
> of that. I still have a lot of Kirby's stuff, moved to another
> room. I figure someday when he gets a house I can press him to get
> his stuff, and he will only really want some of it, but it will be
> his decision then.
>
> The stories of mothers throwing away baseball cards and comic books
> and classic dolls and Beatles stuff are endless, and I don't want to
> join that. We don't know what of the Ninja Turtle and Pokemon and
> Mario stuff will be considered classic.
>
> I don't have your answer, but I have data and reminders.
>
>
> Sandra
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Pamela Sorooshian

Some ideas for changing attitude about "things" - use different self-
talk:
"Let's put this up out of the way so we can get it back out again
later and it'll be new and fun."
"We aren't enjoying this nearly as much as another child would enjoy
it, so let's give it to a thrift store."

We seldom throw anything away - we either pack it up and put it out of
the way, for a while, or give it away to Goodwill or other local
thrift stores. I don't find it too difficult to give things away
because I consciously imagine a thrilled little child finding it as a
thrift store treasure!

But, yeah, we packed and stacked a lot of stuff over the years and
much of it was brought out later, at different ages, and put to good
use. I don't do that so much, these days, because it isn't so likely
the kids are going to want to revisit old toys --- although I'm now
becoming conscious of what I want to have around the house when I have
grandchildren!

My mom had the best grandma house any grandchild could want - a closet
filled to overflowing with toys, games, puzzles, art supplies.
Videogame console and games. VCR with lots of kids videos. CD player
with lots of kid-friendly music. Kid-favorite frozen foods always
available. Cocoa and cookies. An "office supply" drawer that they were
invited to use anytime they wanted - post-it notes, hole punches,
tape, lots of kinds of paper, markers, colored pencils, scissors, and
so on. And she had a HUGE collection of children's books. For a long
time she had a duck with a little swimming pool - the duck laid eggs
and the kids would go find a duck egg and my mom would make them an
omelet. She had a veggie garden and lots of miniature fruit trees. She
had photo albums of family pictures that were on a shelf under her
coffee table - the kids loved to look at the old family photos. She'd
always have things "sitting out" that her grandkids might enjoy - a
peacock feather, a set of nesting dolls, little figurines that they
could play with, a little bowl containing foreign coins, a box of
pretty rocks. And, she had a fantastic collection of children's books
- when my mom died, my sisters and I divided up the books between us
and even just a third of her children's books is a great collection.
She loved beautiful picture books, especially.

Some people like spacious, clutter-free living spaces. I like to visit
those people!

-pam

Pam Tellew

I and my boys have loved hanging on to things ,so I can
relate. What's worked for us is the attic plus time.

When things got too crowded, I packed some things away, things they
weren't using regularly, and put them in the attic, letting them know
we could always get it down if they wanted something. When they were
the ages your kids were, I usually checked with them first. Any
storage area would work, under the house, garage, shed. (In most
areas, you can have a good weatherproof shed built in your yard for
less than $2000 - way cheaper than moving or adding on. The one in
our area is http://www.shedshop.com/)

For a number of years, it seemed our attic got fuller and fuller, to
the point of being a little scary! My boys are five years apart in
age, so we had to keep things for a long time! Then, as they got
older, they were gradually willing to part with some things. At
first they preferred either to give things to a younger child we
knew or to sell them at the toy consignment shop and they got the
money. Now, bit by bit, the attic is emptying out. Some toys we all
want to save for the next generation, but even some well loved things
are leaving us. The kids are fine with it. It's my sentimental soul
that has a hard time now!

Pam

Robyn L. Coburn

On the three or four occasions that Jayn has been ready to part with a toy,
we have either taken it to the Goodwill at once, or given it to a friend.
There have been a couple of times when Jayn has been unsure about it, but we
have needed space (these were really big items like a giant stuffed swan) so
we put it into our storage facility which also holds all the furniture that
we have inherited. This "gone but not" has been a good solution for now.
Eventually when we have more space she can make a choice about permanence -
so our solution is the procrastination method! :) Other than that, it has
been important to Jayn to keep almost everything, so I guess we can't help
you. She intends to have a toy and doll museum when she is grown, and wants
to have a playroom for kids to enjoy there as well as displays.

We have tried keeping things in boxes for a yard sale, but that has yet to
occur.

Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com

Sandra Dodd

-=-The kids are fine with it. It's my sentimental soul
that has a hard time now!-=-

Sometimes a photo of something is as good for me as the thing. I've
been photographing some things and then letting them go more
peacefully in the past year or two.



Sandra

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Krisula Moyer

Something that's worked for us has been to carefully pack away a whole
bunch of items in big (usually clear) plastic bins and put them in the
attic or garage. The child decides which stuffed animals, for
example, she wants out at present. Right now it's Old timey ones
(like the classic Pooh's and knitted ones) and penguins. The rest go
in the bin and if she wants one of them to play with it's not a big
deal to go get it. The bin is clear so we can usually find the one
she wants without taking it all out.

Once the room is cleared of things the joy of having a clear space
really sets in, without the fear or sadness of giving up her favorite
things. Often now, she will get rid of things but she still tends to
want to keep most of it. Obviously my daughter is involved in the
process so I don't put away stuff she is using or really wants to keep
out but I do most of the heavy lifting and sometimes she preferrs to
let me do it while she watches TV or plays on the computer. Once it's
clean and looking nice, she likes it so much that she keeps it clean
herself most of the time.

13yo dd has a ladder to a little attic space in her closet but she
likes to give stuff away and get rid of stuff to make room for new.
15yo ds likes to keep most things and so we've given him shelves and
storage space in his closet. 8yo dd uses her closet, the garage and
the attic for storage and she also likes to have certain things in
the living room and dining room. She prefers to have some open
space in her room to play in so the compromise of putting it away in
bins works really well for her.

We've already been clearing shelves to make room for holiday
decorations and I figure when those get put away there will be an
automatic space for whatever new toys they get for Christmas.


----------





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Renee McGraw

On Sat, Dec 13, 2008 at 2:06 PM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:

> Sometimes a photo of something is as good for me as the thing. I've
> been photographing some things and then letting them go more
> peacefully in the past year or two.


This works wonderfully for kids art work as well.
I have a terrible paper-work fetish and would keep every little scrap that
my kids draw a happy face on and give to me. It's much easier for me to
purge some of these items when I take a picture of if first. We even take
pictures of dd's drawings on her dry erase board if she particularly likes
it. She likes seeing the pictures posted and it seems to virtually elimiate
any stress she felt about erasing a drawing or tossing away items once she
sees them on our flickr page. :-)

--
Renee
And the turtles, of course... All the turtles are free -- As turtles and,
maybe, all creatures should be. ~Dr. Seuss
http://awrinkleformybrain.blogspot.com/


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Ed Wendell

Taking pictures of Lego creations really saved our son's sanity - and thus ours ;) He'd work hours, days, weeks on a creation. Going back to make revisions many times, then not want to take the final version apart. He'd set them on display throughout the house. By doing this he'd run out of Lego's and could not continue creating. He had many moments of frustration and angst until we hit upon the idea of taking pictures. He still lets many creations sit but when he is ready to disassemble it seems to come easier for him since we started taking pictures. This was several years ago - he is 14 now and we still have Lego creations on display - some newly created and some have been around a while.

We've done this for art projects too - well lots of creations around here. He had a bug collection and when it started to crumble we took a picture relieving some of his stress of it falling apart.

Lisa W.




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guideforthree

>=== I am wondering how people deal with this in a way that is
respectful to children, yet still honors the space we live in. In a
nutshell, we need to have a way to get some toys out of the house -
be it by selling them, giving them away, or tossing them in the
trash.
>====


I have three children (11, 8, 3). When I notice something hasn't
been played with in a while, we pass it down to the next younger
child. The imaginext pirate set I bought for my 11yo years ago
recently got passed from my 8yo to my 3yo. My 8yo still occasionally
goes in his sister's room to play with the pirates, so it's kind of a
win-win situation for everyone. When my 3yo outgrows her toys, she
passes them to her younger cousins. Keep in mind, this is not
something I do to them. They are full participants in this hand-me-
down toy process. They much prefer giving their toys to someone they
know rather than to some strangers.

I also know there a quite a few toys that we will keep indefinately.
My mother kept a lot of my toys when I outgrew them, and now my
daughter gets a lot of joy out of my old Stawberry Shortcake dolls.
I still remember my 11yo (when he was 2) frantically searching for
his "dreen moop" which just happened the be the green mop I got for
Christmas as a child. Recently my family enjoyed a game of bingo
using my childhood bingo set.

I have also packed toys in huge plastic totes and put them in the
attic because we just didn't have the space for them in the house. I
get them out periodically and we go through them. The kids decide
what to get rid of, what to take out and put in their rooms, what to
leave in the tote, and what to remove from their room and place in
the tote.

I guess the key to getting rid of toys in our house is a gradual
letting go. Also, it might be my suggestion, but it is always their
decision. It might also help that they see me drop a lot of my own
stuff at Goodwill on a fairly regular basis (I used to be a packrat).

Tina

Ariana Zora Ziminsky

Thanks - I appreciate all the ideas and thoughts on this from everyone. It's been very helpful. I'm going to make our attic a better toy storage area (it already somewhat is) and keep things flowing in and out of there, and involve the kids in the process, taking little steps rather than worrying about needing to get rid of X number of toys or something, to make way for new.

The boys do like sharing with friends and will also give them toys sometimes, too. (Course, that makes us the recipients as well, on occasion!)

I've been taking pictures of kids' artwork, or scanning them in, and then recycling the originals or mailing them to relatives/friends. A few I do keep, because they are just soooo special to me!

I also think this is fantastic:

> It might also help that they see me drop a lot of my own > stuff at Goodwill on a fairly regular basis (I used to be a packrat).

The pack rat in me doesn't want to hold on to things that don't reflect the best of who I am, or that have no historical/familial value - and so I *want* to let go of things and still feel good about myself, and not regretful. This would be a good exercise for me and the kids.

Much appreciated on all accounts,

- Ariana
(Mama to Josiah, 6, and Jaiden, 3)


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k

And of course the easiest things to let go of are the things you got
thinking they'd be something you like only to find that they're not what you
like. I've gotten a couple of toys and video games like that for Karl,
which on 2nd look (out of the bag at home) he didn't like after all. Not
hard for me to part with. If it's brand new, I can return it or sell it
online or some such thing.

Relatively speaking, everything is like that to some degree, eventually.
It's less easy to get rid of something if you still see value in it, and
very hard to if you see a lot of value in it.

Something can seem perfectly useless and still be of some value, sentimental
or otherwise. I have a lot of that kind of thing. Most of those things
lessen in value as time goes by. I periodically go thru and find that many
things perplex me. Why did I keep them in the first place? I might not
remember any more (so they're no longer likely to be very valuable).
Naturally some things only get more precious to me the longer I have them; a
personal collection or a journal or pictures.

That has me thinking I should go through my stuff more often, and then I
would probably find a lot that I could move out of my house much sooner. As
opposed to letting it sit for ages like I usually do. :)

~Katherine



On 12/15/08, guideforthree wrote:

> I guess the key to getting rid of toys in our house is a gradual
> letting go. Also, it might be my suggestion, but it is always their
> decision. It might also help that they see me drop a lot of my own
> stuff at Goodwill on a fairly regular basis (I used to be a packrat).
>
> Tina


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Pamela Sorooshian

On Dec 15, 2008, at 6:33 AM, Ariana Zora Ziminsky wrote:

>> It might also help that they see me drop a lot of my own > stuff at
>> Goodwill on a fairly regular basis (I used to be a packrat).
>>


We have a Goodwill drop-off truck a few blocks from us so it is "on
the way" when we're going out. I keep a basket in the entryway that
almost always has something in it that someone wants to donate -
mostly clothing in our house, but also the occasional kitchen gadget
that seemed like a good idea at the time <g> or puzzles that we've
already done or games that nobody really likes much (we have a LOT of
games, I weed through them the way other people might clean out the
refrigerator). When there are a handful of things in the basket, we
stop by and drop them off - every few weeks, usually.

-pam

Kim Zerbe

Oh I have a hard time getting rid of most things too! I am getting better
over the years, but at this moment I desperately need to purge.

One advantage I have is that I organize a children's consignment sale twice
a year, so to set a good example and follow my own advice, periodically I
force myself to get rid of things my son has outgrown! The idea is that
parents gather up stuff their kids have gently used, prep it so it looks
nice, clean toys and hang clothes on hangers, and bring it all down to one
location where we open to the public for 3 days and then it's over. I need
to write a newsletter real soon here and want to include some advice on
boxing things up to get ready for the spring sale while we all get ready for
the influx of xmas toys!

(I'm not trying to advertise, heck you'd have to live in Portland or close
by to participate in my sale! But if you want to know more about what it is,
here's my web site: www.passitonsales.com And I'm involved in a support
group with other sale owners so depending on where you live I might be able
to refer you to a similar sale.)

Clothing is fairly easy to let go, except I do have some baby clothes (I say
in case i have another but I know how easy it is to get more clothes, so it
must be sentimental), and I've gotten rid of all the big stuff as soon as we
stopped using it (swing, high chair, stroller) but it's still really hard to
sell the toys. Even if Damon doesn't play with everything, I see the value
in it and want to keep it around "in case" we need it some day. We're trying
to redo the basement to organize all the toys because I only see more
purchases in the future. In the meantime, there are toys everywhere, all
over the house. It doesn't bother me, but Geoff (dh) doesn't like it.

Of course I can't resist shopping at my own sale, and thus bringing in MORE
toys! I've had people over who say Damon has too many toys. I wonder what
that means. He does use them all, sometimes together (block towers that cars
crash into or towns constructed of all sorts of materials). And does it
matter that most of them were used before we got them and I paid very little
for the lot? And why do I care what other people say?! When we go to other
houses, it seems those kids have a lot of toys too. It's not a competiton, I
just have a hard time getting rid of stuff.

I was at someone's house last week (not a friend, just picking something up)
who was very proud of the fact that she had very little toys for her 2.5yo
dd. I looked around at her immaculately clean house and felt so sorry for
her kid! She said they'd rather spend money on a zoo menbership or science
museum and go to the library for books. We go to the library too, but we
also won a ton of books! Some things I just want to grab and read when I
want to, not have to wait until the library is open and hope they have it.
We have the memberships too, I just don't get not having toys in your house!

Kim Zerbe


_____

From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
On Behalf Of Ariana Zora Ziminsky
Sent: Monday, December 15, 2008 6:33 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Dealing with Influx of Toys




Thanks - I appreciate all the ideas and thoughts on this from everyone. It's
been very helpful. I'm going to make our attic a better toy storage area (it
already somewhat is) and keep things flowing in and out of there, and
involve the kids in the process, taking little steps rather than worrying
about needing to get rid of X number of toys or something, to make way for
new.

The boys do like sharing with friends and will also give them toys
sometimes, too. (Course, that makes us the recipients as well, on occasion!)


I've been taking pictures of kids' artwork, or scanning them in, and then
recycling the originals or mailing them to relatives/friends. A few I do
keep, because they are just soooo special to me!

I also think this is fantastic:

> It might also help that they see me drop a lot of my own > stuff at
Goodwill on a fairly regular basis (I used to be a packrat).

The pack rat in me doesn't want to hold on to things that don't reflect the
best of who I am, or that have no historical/familial value - and so I
*want* to let go of things and still feel good about myself, and not
regretful. This would be a good exercise for me and the kids.

Much appreciated on all accounts,

- Ariana
(Mama to Josiah, 6, and Jaiden, 3)


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jenny C

> I was at someone's house last week (not a friend, just picking
something up)
> who was very proud of the fact that she had very little toys for her
2.5yo
> dd. I looked around at her immaculately clean house and felt so sorry
for
> her kid!

My sister in law was like that with her house. Her kids are 16 and 14
now. When they were little though, they routinely had garage sales
where the kids would get rid of almost every toy item they owned. When
they came to our house, they went hog wild and played and played and
played. Twice their whole family moved out of state and got rid of
almost EVERYthing, tv's, gaming systems, everything except basic living
essentials. They never had books really. They had one tiny bookcase
when the kids were really little that was about 2 feet wide and had 2
shelves on it. One quarter of it had children's books and the rest was
cutesy stuff. That went bye bye when the kids went to school because
they were officially too old for picture books and they could get books
from school.

Something that I've noticed about kids that go to school, is that they
outgrow toys and move through them really fast, like fads. Perhaps it's
because they don't play with them all day and grow attatched to them.
Perhaps it's peer pressure, stuff like playing with baby dolls is for
babies, even at the young age of 7 and 8. The neighbor girl just got
rid of ALL of her barbies and bratz, she was still 7 when she did that,
and she told Margaux that she's too old for them now. I know kids
change and outgrow things, but I remember playing with dolls and barbies
until I was about 12.

Chamille always valued her toys and kept them around for a long time and
a lot of her friends have been secretly jealous of it, largely because
they HAD to get rid of all their toys that their parents decided they'd
outgrown. When they visited they always went straight to the toys and
such that they themselves had gotten rid of. Our house has always been
a source of imagination play and fun because there are actually things
to play with!

Our house is small, so we do go through stuff and get rid of stuff.
Anyone who's ever visited could tell you, though, that we have an
enormous amount of toys!