Help with budgeting
mnbyelich
Hi, I need some ideas on an issue I'm having with my son please. we
are new to unschooling, and particularly radical unschooling, and so
far things are really cool but I'm having a hard time in this one
area. My son is 6 yo and the oldest (and first grandchild on my
side) and we have always given him most of the things he has wanted
but recently, we have had to really start budgeting our money. So,
although I've been trying to say "yes" to him (including things
like "how about putting that on your christmas list, how about
putting that on your bday list, let's look at getting that next week
when we don't have to get this other thing for you today, or since we
just got this wii game ($65) we'll try for it another week...etc)
he's is just not satisfied with this unless he gets something THAT
day.
It is not like he used to get things every day (when I wasn't on a
stricter budget) but lately it seems that he is asking for things
everyday that he just must have or he begins crying and whining.
It's not like he would get things everyday before and I have just
briefly discussed our trimming down of the budget (although I do say
that with me not working there is less money in the house) but this
really seems to be a new behavior.
I did read some of the posts on spoiling and agree that giving kids
what they want doesn't spoil them so I'm not really worried about
that, it's that I'm wondering what he is needing from me or his life
that he keeps needing things. I guess as I write this, I'm thinking
that I really need to be stimulating his interests to a greater
degree. Although, with a budget which is dwindling daily :( I find
less resources to get him or take him to interesting places.
I don't want to squelch his desires and his wants but with a limited
budget I really feel strapped but find it hard to say no. For
example, this morning he asked for a book...fine, I love buying him
books...but we just bought him something yesterday so I suggested
that we get the book from the library...he started crying and whining
that he wanted a NEW book that he hasn't read before. We just went
to the library yesterday and have lots of unread books around the
house. Obviously he is needing something and not getting it! Any
advice, suggestions, insights are greatly appreciated!
natalie
are new to unschooling, and particularly radical unschooling, and so
far things are really cool but I'm having a hard time in this one
area. My son is 6 yo and the oldest (and first grandchild on my
side) and we have always given him most of the things he has wanted
but recently, we have had to really start budgeting our money. So,
although I've been trying to say "yes" to him (including things
like "how about putting that on your christmas list, how about
putting that on your bday list, let's look at getting that next week
when we don't have to get this other thing for you today, or since we
just got this wii game ($65) we'll try for it another week...etc)
he's is just not satisfied with this unless he gets something THAT
day.
It is not like he used to get things every day (when I wasn't on a
stricter budget) but lately it seems that he is asking for things
everyday that he just must have or he begins crying and whining.
It's not like he would get things everyday before and I have just
briefly discussed our trimming down of the budget (although I do say
that with me not working there is less money in the house) but this
really seems to be a new behavior.
I did read some of the posts on spoiling and agree that giving kids
what they want doesn't spoil them so I'm not really worried about
that, it's that I'm wondering what he is needing from me or his life
that he keeps needing things. I guess as I write this, I'm thinking
that I really need to be stimulating his interests to a greater
degree. Although, with a budget which is dwindling daily :( I find
less resources to get him or take him to interesting places.
I don't want to squelch his desires and his wants but with a limited
budget I really feel strapped but find it hard to say no. For
example, this morning he asked for a book...fine, I love buying him
books...but we just bought him something yesterday so I suggested
that we get the book from the library...he started crying and whining
that he wanted a NEW book that he hasn't read before. We just went
to the library yesterday and have lots of unread books around the
house. Obviously he is needing something and not getting it! Any
advice, suggestions, insights are greatly appreciated!
natalie
Sandra Dodd
-=-this morning he asked for a book...fine, I love buying him
books...but we just bought him something yesterday so I suggested
that we get the book from the library...he started crying and whining
that he wanted a NEW book that he hasn't read before. -=-
Used book stores! Trade in the old ones for credit, maybe. Maybe
look on Amazon for used books if he knows what he wants, but used
bookstores for browsing, maybe.
Garage sales and thrift stores for other stuff?
If you think he's unaware of the amount of stuff he would add to the
house if he got a new thing every day, maybe you could make a pile of
seven things and a pile of thirty things and talk about a week's
worth and a month's worth. If you do it in a fun way and not a
shaming way it might be entertaining and helpful (depending on how
it's presented and how he's feeling about it all).
Would it help to combine toys? Marty used to have a lot of fun with
homemade playdough and Lego men. He could make hills and caves and
stuff. If they get playdough up in their legs, it can be soaked out
or picked out with a toothpick later (or left in to crumble out
eventually).
Maybe you could think of fun combinations of toys and wrap things
like gifts--things he already has, but two things he hasn't played
with together, in a box, to be opened like a gift when he's bored.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
books...but we just bought him something yesterday so I suggested
that we get the book from the library...he started crying and whining
that he wanted a NEW book that he hasn't read before. -=-
Used book stores! Trade in the old ones for credit, maybe. Maybe
look on Amazon for used books if he knows what he wants, but used
bookstores for browsing, maybe.
Garage sales and thrift stores for other stuff?
If you think he's unaware of the amount of stuff he would add to the
house if he got a new thing every day, maybe you could make a pile of
seven things and a pile of thirty things and talk about a week's
worth and a month's worth. If you do it in a fun way and not a
shaming way it might be entertaining and helpful (depending on how
it's presented and how he's feeling about it all).
Would it help to combine toys? Marty used to have a lot of fun with
homemade playdough and Lego men. He could make hills and caves and
stuff. If they get playdough up in their legs, it can be soaked out
or picked out with a toothpick later (or left in to crumble out
eventually).
Maybe you could think of fun combinations of toys and wrap things
like gifts--things he already has, but two things he hasn't played
with together, in a box, to be opened like a gift when he's bored.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dan Lake
Natalie,
We are a single income family of 5 and there is less money each year as my
company has tightened its belt and consumer prices of just about everything
have been going up. We have found it pretty successful with my two oldest
kids (6 and 7 years) to share more details about the budget of our household
and what various things cost that we buy and pay for. I once told my
daughter that a gallon of gas was more than $4 and she said, "That doesn't
sound like a lot". Later, she asked how often I had to buy "one". I told her
that our car took 15 gallons to fill up and we went there once per week (at
least) and she started to do the math.
To enable them to buy the things they want and to make decisions about how
the household money should be spent, we give them what my in-laws consider
an obscene amount of money "allowance" each week to use however they like.
They quite often buy things that I consider junk or that I predict they will
be disappointed with but we really try to give them tools to make their own
evaluation. They have found lots of fun and excitement in toys that we never
would have thought to buy for them. They have also been disappointed at
times. My daughter (8) has become the most frugal person I know and has over
$800 in her savings account. My son prefers to try out lots of things with
no regrets and rarely has 2 dimes to rub together. Either way, they rarely
ask us to buy something for them but sometimes lament that something is "too
expensive" or "not worth the cost". Sometimes I get extra money from work as
a bonus and I give a portion of it to each of the kids. My daughter got $80
extra last month and she put it all in the bank. My son bought a Nintendo DS
and some Pokemon cards.
Maybe if you share with your son about all of the expenses and how much
money there is to work with each month, he will want to work with you to
make the most of your purchasing power and even help to save money in other
areas. Our kids will sometimes notice when there is money to be saved and
say "why don't we go to Costco on the way back from the library later
instead of going out twice?". I'm still hoping my kids will get excited
about turning off the lights when they are not in the room, but I'm also
considering timer switches since it's essentially my issue at this point.
At first, we didn't tell them about all of the housing and car expenses,
just how much there was to work with after the household was paid for. Now
we found that they really can help more with more information. For example,
we told them we had $300 for new clothes this fall. We try to shop when all
of the "back to school" sales are on. They were able to pick out way more
than we had hoped and passed by everything that I predict many of the kids
are asking for these days. They notice that you pay more for brands, and
sometime they choose to pay more. Sometimes they don't but it's there call.
We don't believe that our budget is an arbitrary limit, but there are some
gotchas in there. If we are saving for retirement, or saving for a trip, or
saving for their college, or for medical emergencies, we consider those
essential where they may not. This has got them to thinking about their own
long term goals and saving their own money.
~Dan
We are a single income family of 5 and there is less money each year as my
company has tightened its belt and consumer prices of just about everything
have been going up. We have found it pretty successful with my two oldest
kids (6 and 7 years) to share more details about the budget of our household
and what various things cost that we buy and pay for. I once told my
daughter that a gallon of gas was more than $4 and she said, "That doesn't
sound like a lot". Later, she asked how often I had to buy "one". I told her
that our car took 15 gallons to fill up and we went there once per week (at
least) and she started to do the math.
To enable them to buy the things they want and to make decisions about how
the household money should be spent, we give them what my in-laws consider
an obscene amount of money "allowance" each week to use however they like.
They quite often buy things that I consider junk or that I predict they will
be disappointed with but we really try to give them tools to make their own
evaluation. They have found lots of fun and excitement in toys that we never
would have thought to buy for them. They have also been disappointed at
times. My daughter (8) has become the most frugal person I know and has over
$800 in her savings account. My son prefers to try out lots of things with
no regrets and rarely has 2 dimes to rub together. Either way, they rarely
ask us to buy something for them but sometimes lament that something is "too
expensive" or "not worth the cost". Sometimes I get extra money from work as
a bonus and I give a portion of it to each of the kids. My daughter got $80
extra last month and she put it all in the bank. My son bought a Nintendo DS
and some Pokemon cards.
Maybe if you share with your son about all of the expenses and how much
money there is to work with each month, he will want to work with you to
make the most of your purchasing power and even help to save money in other
areas. Our kids will sometimes notice when there is money to be saved and
say "why don't we go to Costco on the way back from the library later
instead of going out twice?". I'm still hoping my kids will get excited
about turning off the lights when they are not in the room, but I'm also
considering timer switches since it's essentially my issue at this point.
At first, we didn't tell them about all of the housing and car expenses,
just how much there was to work with after the household was paid for. Now
we found that they really can help more with more information. For example,
we told them we had $300 for new clothes this fall. We try to shop when all
of the "back to school" sales are on. They were able to pick out way more
than we had hoped and passed by everything that I predict many of the kids
are asking for these days. They notice that you pay more for brands, and
sometime they choose to pay more. Sometimes they don't but it's there call.
We don't believe that our budget is an arbitrary limit, but there are some
gotchas in there. If we are saving for retirement, or saving for a trip, or
saving for their college, or for medical emergencies, we consider those
essential where they may not. This has got them to thinking about their own
long term goals and saving their own money.
~Dan
On Tue, Nov 25, 2008 at 9:56 AM, mnbyelich <nbyelich@...> wrote:
> Hi, I need some ideas on an issue I'm having with my son please. we
> are new to unschooling, and particularly radical unschooling, and so
> far things are really cool but I'm having a hard time in this one
> area. My son is 6 yo and the oldest (and first grandchild on my
> side) and we have always given him most of the things he has wanted
> but recently, we have had to really start budgeting our money. So,
> although I've been trying to say "yes" to him (including things
> like "how about putting that on your christmas list, how about
> putting that on your bday list, let's look at getting that next week
> when we don't have to get this other thing for you today, or since we
> just got this wii game ($65) we'll try for it another week...etc)
> he's is just not satisfied with this unless he gets something THAT
> day.
>
> It is not like he used to get things every day (when I wasn't on a
> stricter budget) but lately it seems that he is asking for things
> everyday that he just must have or he begins crying and whining.
> It's not like he would get things everyday before and I have just
> briefly discussed our trimming down of the budget (although I do say
> that with me not working there is less money in the house) but this
> really seems to be a new behavior.
>
> I did read some of the posts on spoiling and agree that giving kids
> what they want doesn't spoil them so I'm not really worried about
> that, it's that I'm wondering what he is needing from me or his life
> that he keeps needing things. I guess as I write this, I'm thinking
> that I really need to be stimulating his interests to a greater
> degree. Although, with a budget which is dwindling daily :( I find
> less resources to get him or take him to interesting places.
>
> I don't want to squelch his desires and his wants but with a limited
> budget I really feel strapped but find it hard to say no. For
> example, this morning he asked for a book...fine, I love buying him
> books...but we just bought him something yesterday so I suggested
> that we get the book from the library...he started crying and whining
> that he wanted a NEW book that he hasn't read before. We just went
> to the library yesterday and have lots of unread books around the
> house. Obviously he is needing something and not getting it! Any
> advice, suggestions, insights are greatly appreciated!
>
> natalie
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dan Lake
On Tue, Nov 25, 2008 at 12:33 PM, Dan Lake <danthedad@...> wrote:
My daughter (8) has become the most frugal person I know a
My daughter is 7
They notice that you pay more for brands, and sometime they choose to pay
> more. Sometimes they don't but it's there call.
their call..
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny C
> area. My son is 6 yo and the oldest (and first grandchild on myI think it's also an ages and stages thing. Something that really
> side) and we have always given him most of the things he has wanted
> but recently, we have had to really start budgeting our money. So,
> although I've been trying to say "yes" to him (including things
> like "how about putting that on your christmas list, how about
> putting that on your bday list, let's look at getting that next week
> when we don't have to get this other thing for you today, ...
helped both my girls when they went through this process, was giving
them a generous allowance, once a month was too infrequent, and every
week was too much money, so we started with every other week. If you
are making a budget, show your son and put him into it. Budget him in
like you would a pressing bill with high interest and a huge late fee.
Kids are only kids for a short time, and this particular age/stage thing
does go quickly, or at least it did for my oldest daughter. It's less
money than a car payment and probably will take less time, and by the
time you are a year or two down the road, you'll be in a different
financial situation, and that money may seem like a tiny amount in
retrospect.
My younger daughter, she's 7, and it started about a year ago, is still
in this process, so I totally get where you are at.
One thing that's really helped me not be irritated with whining, is
this; Our daughter clearly has a strong faith in our ability to provide
for her and meet her needs/wants. That alone is awesome! Some kids are
afraid to even ask their parents for things! If you are continually
trying to provide the things your child wants, and they know that
without a doubt, then, in the times when you can't, it's so much easier
to be sympathetic to their feelings of being let down when their hopes
aren't realized right away.
mnbyelich
great ideas and feedback, thanks! I feel so much better. I love this
group! I've learned so much and just keep on learning...
natalie
group! I've learned so much and just keep on learning...
natalie
--- In [email protected], "Dan Lake" <danthedad@...> wrote:
>
> On Tue, Nov 25, 2008 at 12:33 PM, Dan Lake <danthedad@...> wrote:
>
> My daughter (8) has become the most frugal person I know a
>
>
> My daughter is 7
>
> They notice that you pay more for brands, and sometime they choose to
pay
> > more. Sometimes they don't but it's there call.
>
>
> their call..
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Robyn L. Coburn
<<<<I once told my
amount as X numbers of regular Barbies, Y of the collectibles. That helped
Jayn to understand the prices in both directions.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
> daughter that a gallon of gas was more than $4 and she said, "That doesn'tI used to a lot, and still do sometimes, say that something costs the same
> sound like a lot". Later, she asked how often I had to buy "one". I told
> her
> that our car took 15 gallons to fill up and we went there once per week
> (at
> least) and she started to do the math.>>>>>
amount as X numbers of regular Barbies, Y of the collectibles. That helped
Jayn to understand the prices in both directions.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
Pamela Sorooshian
What a great memory that brought back for me. My kids used to have
pretend "parties" - that involved wrapping presents and opening them
at the party. They usually wrapped things out of the box that
contained a lot of little toys like the kinds that come in fast food
kids meals.
-pam
pretend "parties" - that involved wrapping presents and opening them
at the party. They usually wrapped things out of the box that
contained a lot of little toys like the kinds that come in fast food
kids meals.
-pam
On Nov 25, 2008, at 12:29 PM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
> Maybe you could think of fun combinations of toys and wrap things
> like gifts--things he already has, but two things he hasn't played
> with together, in a box, to be opened like a gift when he's bored.
Jenny C
> What a great memory that brought back for me. My kids used to haveI had a moment of utter chaos frustration the other day! There are
> pretend "parties" - that involved wrapping presents and opening them
> at the party. They usually wrapped things out of the box that
> contained a lot of little toys like the kinds that come in fast food
> kids meals.
>
always little toys about and it makes it hard to vaccuum. I kept my
thoughts to myself mostly. At one point I walked into the living room
and let out a little cry and said, "I feel sooo overwhelmed by so many
things all over". It was a way to make it lighter for me.
We had a guest over and he said, "why don't you make her clean up"
refering to my younger daughter that pulls all that stuff out. I said
"One day, when all my kids are gone, my house will be clean and I may
feel lonely and longing for toys all over the place again. Lots of toys
out, means busy minds and happy kids. I must keep reminding myself of
this!". He said "Are you sure?", and without a doubt I was!
I will remember the barbie parties that take up the entire living room
and without a doubt they will be fond memories!
Gwen
Our currency is Webkinz. Megan uses her allowance to buy Webkinz, so she really understands when I say something costs "five Webkinz".
gwen
gwen
--- On Wed, 11/26/08, Robyn L. Coburn <dezigna@...> wrote:
I used to a lot, and still do sometimes, say that something costs the same
amount as X numbers of regular Barbies, Y of the collectibles. That helped
Jayn to understand the prices in both directions.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]