Teens transitioning out
[email protected]
In a week, my almost 19 year old daughter leaves for college 217 miles from
home. Not across the country or even to another state but Florida is a big
state and it's about a 5 hour drive.
We've done most the physical preparations and probably as much as the
emotional ones that can be done, but I thought I'd reach out to some of the parents
on the list who have some experience with their children leaving home for
the first time. Best advice that you'd be willing to offer.
Unschooling has helped to bring us this incredible relationship and I know
it will continue. I just could use some ideas about this next step and what
has helped the most during this time of transition for those of you who have
been through it.
Gail
_http://gail-hummingbirdhaven.blogspot.com/_
(http://gail-hummingbirdhaven.blogspot.com/)
**************Looking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your budget?
Read reviews on AOL Autos.
(http://autos.aol.com/cars-BMW-128-2008/expert-review?ncid=aolaut00050000000017 )
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
home. Not across the country or even to another state but Florida is a big
state and it's about a 5 hour drive.
We've done most the physical preparations and probably as much as the
emotional ones that can be done, but I thought I'd reach out to some of the parents
on the list who have some experience with their children leaving home for
the first time. Best advice that you'd be willing to offer.
Unschooling has helped to bring us this incredible relationship and I know
it will continue. I just could use some ideas about this next step and what
has helped the most during this time of transition for those of you who have
been through it.
Gail
_http://gail-hummingbirdhaven.blogspot.com/_
(http://gail-hummingbirdhaven.blogspot.com/)
**************Looking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your budget?
Read reviews on AOL Autos.
(http://autos.aol.com/cars-BMW-128-2008/expert-review?ncid=aolaut00050000000017 )
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-We've done most the physical preparations and probably as much as the
emotional ones that can be done, but I thought I'd reach out to some
of the parents
on the list who have some experience with their children leaving home
for
the first time. Best advice that you'd be willing to offer. -=-
Kirby was moving to an apartment with another co-worker. They knew
each other already, and they decided who would provide what. We
offered to let Kirby take things that would make his new place feel
homey and he took some familiar kitchen things, and lamps, and his
own bed. Some things like pillows helped. That might be minor, but
knowing that we didn't say "Get your own new stuff when you get
there" made it less a separation.
If we had had to wait for a real paper letter or for a long distance
phone call, it would've been harder on me, but with cell phones and
instant message and e-mail and mySpace and all that, I can check in
on him by asking Marty and Holly if they've heard from him, first
pass. And now Holly's going out with (odd term, but I can't think of
the just-right-one) one of Kirby's best friends, so Brett hears from
Kirby too. So I can get news without bugging him directly. And he
calls me sometimes when he's walking to work, which is just the right
amount of time for him to update me and then he gets there and has to
turn his phone off so it's done. <g>
I have ordered him gifts and had them shipped straight there. A USB
cannon (controlled by keyboard, and you shoot kind of nerf-dart
things). A peaceful background picture and music DVD for the giant
TV they bought together. A Learn Nothing Day magnet (we gave him a
shirt when he came to visit). And he orders from my Amazon account
sometimes, but uses his own charge card. So I see what he ordered.
OF COURSE he could get his own Amazon account, but he was used to
using mine before, and he just still does.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
emotional ones that can be done, but I thought I'd reach out to some
of the parents
on the list who have some experience with their children leaving home
for
the first time. Best advice that you'd be willing to offer. -=-
Kirby was moving to an apartment with another co-worker. They knew
each other already, and they decided who would provide what. We
offered to let Kirby take things that would make his new place feel
homey and he took some familiar kitchen things, and lamps, and his
own bed. Some things like pillows helped. That might be minor, but
knowing that we didn't say "Get your own new stuff when you get
there" made it less a separation.
If we had had to wait for a real paper letter or for a long distance
phone call, it would've been harder on me, but with cell phones and
instant message and e-mail and mySpace and all that, I can check in
on him by asking Marty and Holly if they've heard from him, first
pass. And now Holly's going out with (odd term, but I can't think of
the just-right-one) one of Kirby's best friends, so Brett hears from
Kirby too. So I can get news without bugging him directly. And he
calls me sometimes when he's walking to work, which is just the right
amount of time for him to update me and then he gets there and has to
turn his phone off so it's done. <g>
I have ordered him gifts and had them shipped straight there. A USB
cannon (controlled by keyboard, and you shoot kind of nerf-dart
things). A peaceful background picture and music DVD for the giant
TV they bought together. A Learn Nothing Day magnet (we gave him a
shirt when he came to visit). And he orders from my Amazon account
sometimes, but uses his own charge card. So I see what he ordered.
OF COURSE he could get his own Amazon account, but he was used to
using mine before, and he just still does.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
~~We've done most the physical preparations and probably as much as the
emotional ones that can be done, but I thought I'd reach out to some
of the parents on the list who have some experience with their
children leaving home for the first time. Best advice that you'd be
willing to offer.~~
Have them move in with other unschoolers!! lol
Trevor moved out in May and I really have no advice, just sympathy.
Our family dynamics have changed, it feels a bit strange and empty yet
there are many really neat parts too. I see changes in him and in his
confidence level that are really cool. I know he is in a home where he
is valued and honored (hence my first comment).
There's nothing to prepare you for the bizarre empty room. Or the fact
that the physical presence isn't there.
I am new to this also, but I thought that sending care packages once
in a while would be nice. I know how much those meant to me as a young
person out on my own for the first time.
We have unlimited long distance so I can call him anytime ( I think I
called too much the first couple of weeks!) and I try to keep our blog
current because he and his girlfriend read it regularly. Great method
for tapping into the day-to-day stuff.
It's a strange time in my life. I don't feel old enough on any level,
to have a grown child. I don't feel that I'll ever feel ready. So I'm
"weaning" (as Sandra mentioned) and I don't know how long that takes!!
I'm sending you lotsa hugs Gail!!!
((((((((((((((Gail)))))))))))))))))
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
emotional ones that can be done, but I thought I'd reach out to some
of the parents on the list who have some experience with their
children leaving home for the first time. Best advice that you'd be
willing to offer.~~
Have them move in with other unschoolers!! lol
Trevor moved out in May and I really have no advice, just sympathy.
Our family dynamics have changed, it feels a bit strange and empty yet
there are many really neat parts too. I see changes in him and in his
confidence level that are really cool. I know he is in a home where he
is valued and honored (hence my first comment).
There's nothing to prepare you for the bizarre empty room. Or the fact
that the physical presence isn't there.
I am new to this also, but I thought that sending care packages once
in a while would be nice. I know how much those meant to me as a young
person out on my own for the first time.
We have unlimited long distance so I can call him anytime ( I think I
called too much the first couple of weeks!) and I try to keep our blog
current because he and his girlfriend read it regularly. Great method
for tapping into the day-to-day stuff.
It's a strange time in my life. I don't feel old enough on any level,
to have a grown child. I don't feel that I'll ever feel ready. So I'm
"weaning" (as Sandra mentioned) and I don't know how long that takes!!
I'm sending you lotsa hugs Gail!!!
((((((((((((((Gail)))))))))))))))))
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Ginger and Jeff Sabo
Gail,
I know my situation is a bit different in that Annie was only ever here part
time. I still cry every time she leaves and I still have a rough day that
day (as do the boys).
Annie is 'on her own' now. I don't have much more to add than Sandra and
Ren. I too plan on sending gift packages She knows she can ask us for
anything (even time) and we will do it. I have been leaving messages for
her that aren't 'about' her, but things I know she finds an interest in. I
don't know if it helps her as much as it helps me :). It's just a way to
let her know I'm thinking of her.
Hope you find an peace with the silence...it will take time.
Hugs.
--
In peace and love,
Ginger
Annie(18), Kai(9) and Kade(6)
http://twofreeboysplus3.blogspot.com/
LOVE has impact.
"It's not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize,
accept and celebrate those differences." - Audre Lorde
http://www.savetherain.org/
favorite song...http://www.manitobamusic.com/play.php?vc=9
or is it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akevZTqMe-U
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I know my situation is a bit different in that Annie was only ever here part
time. I still cry every time she leaves and I still have a rough day that
day (as do the boys).
Annie is 'on her own' now. I don't have much more to add than Sandra and
Ren. I too plan on sending gift packages She knows she can ask us for
anything (even time) and we will do it. I have been leaving messages for
her that aren't 'about' her, but things I know she finds an interest in. I
don't know if it helps her as much as it helps me :). It's just a way to
let her know I'm thinking of her.
Hope you find an peace with the silence...it will take time.
Hugs.
--
In peace and love,
Ginger
Annie(18), Kai(9) and Kade(6)
http://twofreeboysplus3.blogspot.com/
LOVE has impact.
"It's not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize,
accept and celebrate those differences." - Audre Lorde
http://www.savetherain.org/
favorite song...http://www.manitobamusic.com/play.php?vc=9
or is it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akevZTqMe-U
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Shannon Lynn
Hello Gail,
My husband and I had our sons very young and after our first son got
married I thought I was ok with this but now they are talking about
moving over 1600 miles away and we wont be able to see them or our
grandson. We allowed our twins to take a summer job away from home
and (age 14) and I cried and couldn't handle the solitude at all.
It kind of goes into more detail than just missing my kids. Since my
husband and I started having our children young, we were pressured
and overwhelmed and had a tubal ligation at age 21. I regretted this
almost the moment I did it. We never had the money to reverse it so I
found myself depressed everytime I would think about my home being
empty after my children left. Well I had a horrible glimps into this
this summer and I couldn't deal. I have always wanted a house full of
children and we finally decided to have my tubal reversal on the 31st
of July. (My Dear sister paid for it) We are both 36 years old. So I
guess we will have to see what will happen for us.
I do feel for you though. It is so hard to let go and no matter how
you try to fill your time to avoid the emptiness, there is just
something that makes it hard to close this chapter of your life.
Almost like the most exciting part is over. I just wasn't ready yet.
So I will also be keeping up with advice that others give to you
because one day I will have to deal.
Blessings, Shalyn
My husband and I had our sons very young and after our first son got
married I thought I was ok with this but now they are talking about
moving over 1600 miles away and we wont be able to see them or our
grandson. We allowed our twins to take a summer job away from home
and (age 14) and I cried and couldn't handle the solitude at all.
It kind of goes into more detail than just missing my kids. Since my
husband and I started having our children young, we were pressured
and overwhelmed and had a tubal ligation at age 21. I regretted this
almost the moment I did it. We never had the money to reverse it so I
found myself depressed everytime I would think about my home being
empty after my children left. Well I had a horrible glimps into this
this summer and I couldn't deal. I have always wanted a house full of
children and we finally decided to have my tubal reversal on the 31st
of July. (My Dear sister paid for it) We are both 36 years old. So I
guess we will have to see what will happen for us.
I do feel for you though. It is so hard to let go and no matter how
you try to fill your time to avoid the emptiness, there is just
something that makes it hard to close this chapter of your life.
Almost like the most exciting part is over. I just wasn't ready yet.
So I will also be keeping up with advice that others give to you
because one day I will have to deal.
Blessings, Shalyn
--- In [email protected], gailbrocop@... wrote:
>
> In a week, my almost 19 year old daughter leaves for college 217
miles from
> home. Not across the country or even to another state but Florida
is a big
> state and it's about a 5 hour drive.
>
> We've done most the physical preparations and probably as much as
the
> emotional ones that can be done, but I thought I'd reach out to
some of the parents
> on the list who have some experience with their children leaving
home for
> the first time. Best advice that you'd be willing to offer.
>
> Unschooling has helped to bring us this incredible relationship and
I know
> it will continue. I just could use some ideas about this next step
and what
> has helped the most during this time of transition for those of you
who have
> been through it.
>
> Gail
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/12/2008 4:08:46 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
shalync90@... writes:
I have always wanted a house full of
children and we finally decided to have my tubal reversal on the 31st
of July. (My Dear sister paid for it) We are both 36 years old. So I
guess we will have to see what will happen for us.
I do feel for you though. It is so hard to let go and no matter how
you try to fill your time to avoid the emptiness, there is just
something that makes it hard to close this chapter of your life.
____
That's a very exciting possibility. 36 is a great age to have a child!
I had Brenna at 36 and Logan at 40 and I really don't have any desire for
young children now. I do imagine, though, that if I had chosen to have
children when I was much younger that I would have had more. I love everything
about my life as a mom and especially that I've been able to spend so much
really fun time with them. I attribute much of our full rich lives to
discovering unschooling and choosing to embrace it.
Brenna was talking today about being open to moving back to a closer college
after this first year because it was so far away. I'm happy that she's
brave enough and confident enough to go and I really think (like Sandra said)
that with cell phones, e-mails and social networking that we will stay in close
contact. Her room will stay as it is and for now, she'll be home for
holidays and occasional weekends. I remember a 5 hour drive not being so far when I
was 18..<g>
Also, I'll see her at the Live and Learn Conference two weeks after we take
her to college. That will at least help with the initial driving away from
the campus. I'm still not sleeping much this week, though. Waking up at 3
a.m. with those thoughts that seem so much worse before the sun comes up.
Looking ahead, I have so many interests and find that I have more time to
pursue them because the kids are older. I'm still at my happiest with a house
full of kids playing games or when all four of us are together just hanging
out. I look forward to grandchildren and maybe even unschooled
grandchildren...<g>
I'm also looking forward to spending more time with my 15 year old son.
Brenna and I have so many similar interests and can finish each others
sentences. Logan and I not so much. It will be a very good thing for the two of us to
have this time.
Definitely a new chapter coming up and I'm hoping the reality is a bit
easier than I have imagined it to be.
I loved the idea of her taking familiar things and she has been choosing
things from her room and house today that she will take with her. Also, the
care packages. Very good idea. Thanks.
Gail
_http://gail-hummingbirdhaven.blogspot.com/_
(http://gail-hummingbirdhaven.blogspot.com/)
**************Looking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your budget?
Read reviews on AOL Autos.
(http://autos.aol.com/cars-BMW-128-2008/expert-review?ncid=aolaut00050000000017 )
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
shalync90@... writes:
I have always wanted a house full of
children and we finally decided to have my tubal reversal on the 31st
of July. (My Dear sister paid for it) We are both 36 years old. So I
guess we will have to see what will happen for us.
I do feel for you though. It is so hard to let go and no matter how
you try to fill your time to avoid the emptiness, there is just
something that makes it hard to close this chapter of your life.
____
That's a very exciting possibility. 36 is a great age to have a child!
I had Brenna at 36 and Logan at 40 and I really don't have any desire for
young children now. I do imagine, though, that if I had chosen to have
children when I was much younger that I would have had more. I love everything
about my life as a mom and especially that I've been able to spend so much
really fun time with them. I attribute much of our full rich lives to
discovering unschooling and choosing to embrace it.
Brenna was talking today about being open to moving back to a closer college
after this first year because it was so far away. I'm happy that she's
brave enough and confident enough to go and I really think (like Sandra said)
that with cell phones, e-mails and social networking that we will stay in close
contact. Her room will stay as it is and for now, she'll be home for
holidays and occasional weekends. I remember a 5 hour drive not being so far when I
was 18..<g>
Also, I'll see her at the Live and Learn Conference two weeks after we take
her to college. That will at least help with the initial driving away from
the campus. I'm still not sleeping much this week, though. Waking up at 3
a.m. with those thoughts that seem so much worse before the sun comes up.
Looking ahead, I have so many interests and find that I have more time to
pursue them because the kids are older. I'm still at my happiest with a house
full of kids playing games or when all four of us are together just hanging
out. I look forward to grandchildren and maybe even unschooled
grandchildren...<g>
I'm also looking forward to spending more time with my 15 year old son.
Brenna and I have so many similar interests and can finish each others
sentences. Logan and I not so much. It will be a very good thing for the two of us to
have this time.
Definitely a new chapter coming up and I'm hoping the reality is a bit
easier than I have imagined it to be.
I loved the idea of her taking familiar things and she has been choosing
things from her room and house today that she will take with her. Also, the
care packages. Very good idea. Thanks.
Gail
_http://gail-hummingbirdhaven.blogspot.com/_
(http://gail-hummingbirdhaven.blogspot.com/)
**************Looking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your budget?
Read reviews on AOL Autos.
(http://autos.aol.com/cars-BMW-128-2008/expert-review?ncid=aolaut00050000000017 )
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ginger and Jeff Sabo
One more thing. My Aunt housed other kids when hers were gone...she had 3
that left all in the same year. She says the other kids were a way to ease
the transition and keep the silence at bay.
Now she records everything she thinks my boys would like on her dvr. Then
she has the list of them all ready for the boys and loves sharing the time
with them. Just one more idea...
Jeff and I used to talk about sending the boys out with something that we
gave them (something to fit on the key ring) that they could have to help
them through the day. Maybe you could make something together that each of
you could have with you all the time?
I'll keep thinking and sharing...
I know for Annie, I'm making something for her every year (she thankfully
likes sweaters!) and then I feel like my love is surrounding her every time
she wears them.
More hugs!
--
In peace and love,
Ginger
Annie(18), Kai(9) and Kade(6)
http://twofreeboysplus3.blogspot.com/
LOVE has impact.
"It's not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize,
accept and celebrate those differences." - Audre Lorde
http://www.savetherain.org/
favorite song...http://www.manitobamusic.com/play.php?vc=9
or is it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akevZTqMe-U
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
that left all in the same year. She says the other kids were a way to ease
the transition and keep the silence at bay.
Now she records everything she thinks my boys would like on her dvr. Then
she has the list of them all ready for the boys and loves sharing the time
with them. Just one more idea...
Jeff and I used to talk about sending the boys out with something that we
gave them (something to fit on the key ring) that they could have to help
them through the day. Maybe you could make something together that each of
you could have with you all the time?
I'll keep thinking and sharing...
I know for Annie, I'm making something for her every year (she thankfully
likes sweaters!) and then I feel like my love is surrounding her every time
she wears them.
More hugs!
--
In peace and love,
Ginger
Annie(18), Kai(9) and Kade(6)
http://twofreeboysplus3.blogspot.com/
LOVE has impact.
"It's not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize,
accept and celebrate those differences." - Audre Lorde
http://www.savetherain.org/
favorite song...http://www.manitobamusic.com/play.php?vc=9
or is it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akevZTqMe-U
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
>that we gave them (something to fit on the key ring) that they could
> Jeff and I used to talk about sending the boys out with something
have to help them through the day.
This doesn't fit the above idea, but it reminded me of something we
are working on for Trevor. He wanted to have names and addresses of
friends and family. I'm getting a nice address book/calender and
putting birthdays and notable dates, plus all the phone numbers and
such of people he would want to stay in touch with.
It could be a really nice one, with photos and such too. A way for
them to keep their family and good friends close by when they move out.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Hema A. Bharadwaj
Ren, perhaps since you may be more net savvy than me... you know this
trick... but i love Google's calendar. Ravi adn i can share some parts like
b'days and other common friend stuff adn otherwise keep our calendars
separate as well. check it out here :
http://www.google.com/googlecalendar/overview.html
So your family members can have separate private parts to the calendar and
select the common calendars that they want to see... this can include all
the common friends birthdays etc. time consuming to put it all in but neat
to have forever.
metta,
hema
trick... but i love Google's calendar. Ravi adn i can share some parts like
b'days and other common friend stuff adn otherwise keep our calendars
separate as well. check it out here :
http://www.google.com/googlecalendar/overview.html
So your family members can have separate private parts to the calendar and
select the common calendars that they want to see... this can include all
the common friends birthdays etc. time consuming to put it all in but neat
to have forever.
metta,
hema
On Wed, Aug 13, 2008 at 6:17 PM, Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
>
> >
> > Jeff and I used to talk about sending the boys out with something
> that we gave them (something to fit on the key ring) that they could
> have to help them through the day.
>
> This doesn't fit the above idea, but it reminded me of something we
> are working on for Trevor. He wanted to have names and addresses of
> friends and family. I'm getting a nice address book/calender and
> putting birthdays and notable dates, plus all the phone numbers and
> such of people he would want to stay in touch with.
>
> It could be a really nice one, with photos and such too. A way for
> them to keep their family and good friends close by when they move out.
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>
>
>
--
Hema A. Bharadwaj
Pune, India
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
MLewis
> Jeff and I used to talk about sending the boys out with somethingthat we
> gave them (something to fit on the key ring) that they could have tohelp
> them through the day. Maybe you could make something together thateach of
> you could have with you all the time?This reminded me of something that happened just in the last couple
days. My sister's man died while they were traveling near Winnamucca
and I drove down there to be with her for a couple days. We stayed at
the home of a couple in our church. We'd never met them before but
they were SO sweet. When we left I gave them a framed photo I had
taken of the trunk of their poplar tree. I had joked that if they
didn't have anywhere to put it, that maybe they could give it to one of
their (ten!) children who might be feeling homesick, so they could have
a little piece of home. So that fits in with this thread...maybe take
some nice pictures of favorite places/haunts and frame nicely so they
will have a little bit of "home" to look at.
Mary
Robin
OK, as always, I'm behind! LOL
It is a strange time! My oldest has been out of the house and with a
little boy for 7 years - I still don't feel old enough on any level! I
have 5 grandchildren and am helping raise 4 of them. As for my oldest,
she's awesome, both as an individual and as a mother (a lot stricter than
me, but that's her choice) I was listening to someone lament the age of
their child recently and it dawned on me that my oldest is starting to push
the 30 mark! Talk about getting hit with a brick - I cannot have a child
that old! LOL
Hang in there, ladies. Enjoy the new parts and remember the old ones.
The transition isn't always easy, but it's worth it! My daughter and I are
closer than ever. She lives 2 states away and we talk every day!
As always, Mi Vida Loca
Robin
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
On Behalf Of Ren Allen
Sent: Monday, August 11, 2008 11:00 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Teens transitioning out
It's a strange time in my life. I don't feel old enough on any level, to
have a grown child. I don't feel that I'll ever feel ready. So I'm "weaning"
(as Sandra mentioned) and I don't know how long that takes!!
I'm sending you lotsa hugs Gail!!!
((((((((((((((Gail)))))))))))))))))
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 270.6.3/1611 - Release Date: 8/14/2008
6:20 AM
It is a strange time! My oldest has been out of the house and with a
little boy for 7 years - I still don't feel old enough on any level! I
have 5 grandchildren and am helping raise 4 of them. As for my oldest,
she's awesome, both as an individual and as a mother (a lot stricter than
me, but that's her choice) I was listening to someone lament the age of
their child recently and it dawned on me that my oldest is starting to push
the 30 mark! Talk about getting hit with a brick - I cannot have a child
that old! LOL
Hang in there, ladies. Enjoy the new parts and remember the old ones.
The transition isn't always easy, but it's worth it! My daughter and I are
closer than ever. She lives 2 states away and we talk every day!
As always, Mi Vida Loca
Robin
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
On Behalf Of Ren Allen
Sent: Monday, August 11, 2008 11:00 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Teens transitioning out
It's a strange time in my life. I don't feel old enough on any level, to
have a grown child. I don't feel that I'll ever feel ready. So I'm "weaning"
(as Sandra mentioned) and I don't know how long that takes!!
I'm sending you lotsa hugs Gail!!!
((((((((((((((Gail)))))))))))))))))
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
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6:20 AM