cashoota

hi all you hardworking homeschooling mums and dads and kids! new to
this group and just moved to new area as well. my dd is almost 7 and
really bored at home with me unschooling and her 1 year old sister.
i'm being driven mad by housework and baby stuff and the usual daily
grind. i have no imaginative ideas or any other home-edders around
here to get into contact with - does anyone have any tips? i'm at my
wits end and thinking about sending her to school because she is
lonely and really wants friends. i'd love any input! thanks x carrie

Fetteroll

On Jun 11, 2007, at 2:06 AM, cashoota wrote:

> i'm being driven mad by housework and baby stuff and the usual daily
> grind.

Sounds like you're caught in the mindset that your job is family
maintenance.

I'd bet that it isn't that you don't have ideas, but that they seem
so far down below the priority list of household tasks that "need"
done that it seems indulgent and playing hooky from your
responsibilities to exercise them. So they're really rusty.

It might help you to see the "have tos" in your life as choices.
There isn't anything you have to do. You're saying 'What???" I have
to clean up. I have to feed the baby.

But wait. While the baby may need fed, you do it because you don't
want her to starve, not because you have to. You *want* to and
*choose* to feed the baby.

You'll help yourself a lot if you go through all your have tos and
really examine them. I've done a lot of writing about "have tos" Lots
of it is at:

http://joyfullyrejoycing.com

Check over on the right. There are two titles that specifically
mention "have to" but its sprinkled throughout the writings. It's one
of the common hurdles people have blocking their paths to unschooling.

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

donannedean

Where do you live? Have you thought of sending her to a Free school or
a Democratic school? She would peobably love it. My daughter 4ys wants
to go to school bad. We willl start our own free co-op or I might send
her to Democratic school. Depends on what she chooses and if there is
carpooling. You can go on line to find out where the schools are in
your area.
--- In [email protected], "cashoota" <cashoota@...> wrote:
>
> hi all you hardworking homeschooling mums and dads and kids! new to
> this group and just moved to new area as well. my dd is almost 7 and
> really bored at home with me unschooling and her 1 year old sister.
> i'm being driven mad by housework and baby stuff and the usual daily
> grind. i have no imaginative ideas or any other home-edders around
> here to get into contact with - does anyone have any tips? i'm at my
> wits end and thinking about sending her to school because she is
> lonely and really wants friends. i'd love any input! thanks x carrie
>

Sandra Dodd

-=-my dd is almost 7 and
really bored at home with me unschooling and her 1 year old sister. -=-

It seems you see unschooling as a thing you do to them (even the one
year old).
That must just seem more of a huge burden of things you have to do.

-=-i'm being driven mad by housework and baby stuff and the usual daily
grind-=-

You could put your daughter in school (a bad idea I see someone else
has already recommended, but I don't recommend).
If you decide NOT to put your daughter in school, then you should
immediately rethink all of you "usual daily" EVERYthing.

If, in school, your daughter would be in an environment different
from "the usual daily grind" for six or eight hours, then YOU should
provide six or eight hours of interesting activities for her. If
that means you don't get to vacuum or rearrange a closet, that's how
it goes. You shouldn't expect unschooling to fit in the spare time
you might have if you acted like she was at school already.

If a family decides to keep children at home, then they OWE those
children to make it worthwhile and stimulating. You have no good
choices but to do that. The other option is to be a failure at
unschooling. So if you're going to base your life around that, DO
IT. Now. Today.

-=-i have no imaginative ideas or any other home-edders around
here to get into contact with - does anyone have any tips-=-

Read here:
http://sandradodd.com/typical
lots of families' reports of unschooling days

and these:
http://sandradodd.com/checklists
a way to look at the world of learning

http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
http://sandradodd.com/nest

http://sandradodd.com/music
http://sandradodd.com/history
http://sandradodd.com/connections
http://sandradodd.com/museum

Those should spark some ideas about things you could do, show her, or
talk about that you've just not thought of.
And really, read those things. At least glance over them.

Joyce has already linked her site, but it's http://
joyfullyrejoycing.com/

The answers have already been written. Instead just reading this
list, read material that will get you to another level.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-She would peobably love it. My daughter 4ys wants
to go to school bad. We willl start our own free co-op or I might send
her to Democratic school. -=-

School is school. You get some or most of the problems of school no
matter how much you call it "free" or "co-op" or "democratic."

Because the recommendation "send her to school" can be found in
magazines, phone book, billboard, TV ads, and from every chit-chatty
person at the grocery store, I would much prefer that this list not
become a place where one of the first recommendations is "send her to
school."

Children who have never been to school are rare, and sending them to
school for a while isn't the path to unschooling.

Not all paths lead to unschooling, and that's fine. And I disagree
with people who say "School is not an option." It sounds good to
them to say it, I'm sure (to write it in public to hundreds of
strangers), but it's not true. School is always an option, and it's
infinitely better for the family if they see that option and choose
against it every year, instead of declaring at some point that they
will NEVER, "could" NEVER, send their children to school.

That thinking of "not an option" makes all involved more powerless,
more trapped, less free.

Freedom doesn't come from "a free school," it comes from making
conscious choices and then acting on those choices.

Choosing to unschool and then not DOING it, but waiting for it to
start to develop on its own after all the floors are mopped isn't the
way for it to take firm hold.

Sandra



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Meredith

--- In [email protected], "cashoota" <cashoota@...> wrote:
>> i have no imaginative ideas or any other home-edders around
> here to get into contact with - does anyone have any tips?

Since you're new to the area, do some exploring. Pick up some local
papers and magazines and find out what's going on. Look for local
unschoolers and "eclectic homeschoolers" - check online but also ask
at the library and any locally-owned businesses. Tell everyone you
talk to that you're new and a homeschooler - the cashier at the gas
station and the teller at the bank. You never know when someone else
will have a resource for you.

Go to the library or bookstore or craft shop or even a dollar store
and look for "rainy day" idea books. You don't have to think of
everything yourself! When I'm feeling stuck I have shelves of books to
look through to get new ideas, or remember old ideas that I never "got
around" to doing.

What kinds of things does your 7yo enjoy right now? If she could do
anything she wanted, what would that be? Ask her!

---Meredith (Mo 5.5, Ray 13)

Sandra Dodd

I just thought of a suggestion that hasn't been made here for a
while, but used to be made pretty frequently.

Get out of the house more. Not out to "field trips" or things you
think would be "educational activities," but just out. Walks, the
park, watch building construction. Watch the trash guy. Watch road
repair.

Go to grocery stores you don't usually go to. Take your slow, sweet
time. Talk about what you see. Buy something you've never tasted.
Let the kids rearrange things in the cart if they want to.

Go to a mall and just walk, baby-pace. Go in any store the kids want
to go into, and none that they don't want to. Buy a pretzel to share
and eat it really, really slowly. Talk about window displays and
signs and store logos.

Just *be* out with your kids, at their pace. Maybe it will last
twenty minutes and they'll be all done. Maybe an hour or two.
Develop that flexibility.

Sandra

Sandra Dodd

-=-What kinds of things does your 7yo enjoy right now? If she could do
anything she wanted, what would that be? Ask her! -=-

And find things related to what she likes already.
Does she collect something? How about garage sales? That will help
you learn the new town, too.
Thrift stores?

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

beanmommy2

--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:

> Get out of the house more. Not out to "field trips" or things you
> think would be "educational activities," but just out. Walks, the
> park, watch building construction. Watch the trash guy. Watch
road
> repair.
>
> Go to grocery stores you don't usually go to. Take your slow,
sweet
> time. Talk about what you see. Buy something you've never
tasted.
> Let the kids rearrange things in the cart if they want to.
>
> Go to a mall and just walk, baby-pace. Go in any store the kids
want
> to go into, and none that they don't want to. Buy a pretzel to
share
> and eat it really, really slowly. Talk about window displays and
> signs and store logos.
>
> Just *be* out with your kids, at their pace. Maybe it will last
> twenty minutes and they'll be all done. Maybe an hour or two.
> Develop that flexibility.
>
> Sandra


This is an excellent suggestion. My kids right now are six, four, and
one. I've noticed things to go better for everyone when we stop
trying to do outings with "groups" or even a particular friend, and
just go about our business together.

The older two just love going to Trader Joe's. They love having the
samples, searching for the stuffed animal, picking out new things to
buy, pushing the kid shopping cart, etc.

Once I had to stop at a music store and pick up something. We saw
that in the same shopping center there was a gymnastics center. We
went in and stood by the glass wall and watched the classes for a
while. They we walked a little further down the strip to the bagel
store and got bagels to bring home. It was nice.

Unfortunately I've developed a lot of serious health problems
recently, but even that has led to some interesting things. My girls
loved to cut, sort, and count my pills to put in my weekly pill
minder. They have taken many trips with me to the lab; they enjoy
riding the elevator and watching the tech draw my blood. A couple
times we've even gone to a nearby park afterwards. To them, it's a
fun outing with mom, not an annoying chore they have to be dragged
along to.

Jenny

jenstarc4

>
> Since you're new to the area, do some exploring. Pick up some local
> papers and magazines and find out what's going on.

That's exactly what I was thinking! How cool to be new somewhere! You
could spend each day finding a new and interesting park to play at, or
a new and interesting store nearby to shop at. That actually sounds
rather exciting. The newness factor won't be there forever, take
advantage of it!

stratva

I've noticed my younger kids usually only talk about boredom when my head is elsewhere.
If I'm present for them, it seems like they don't care WHAT we're doing, as long as we're
doing it together. They're happy to sit on the edge of the tub and talk to me while I clean,
if I'm listening to them instead of thinking "gotta do this, gotta do that" thoughts.

I give them spray bottles of soapy water and let them do the squirting for me.

Another good thing is to ask "what would you like to play?" sometimes, instead of "what
would you like to do" (which is also good of course, but can sometimes overwhelm a
young child--too many possibilities! And--I'm in the middle of grasping this right now--if
they're used to you saying No or Not Now a lot, then they might be hesitant to put an idea
out there for fear it'll be shot down. Once they see that you're receptive to their
suggestions, the suggestions begin to come fast and thick.)

"What should we play?" is an exciting question. It means mom is open to PLAYING with
you--not just setting you up with something to do so she can go back to her stuff. I really
think there is nothing my 7 & unders like more than for me to play Pretty Ponies with
them, or Playmobil, or something like that.

My older ones are more into making stuff. Sculpey, paper crafts, knitting, etc. Oh, and
baking. I have never known a child (of any age) to turn down an offer to make cookies. :)
A 7yo can scramble eggs or make pancakes, with mom's help. My 6yo could happily spend
an entire morning flipping pancakes.

Yesterday the 6yo, 8yo, and I sat for 45 minutes watching a spider in our sunroom trap
ants. I was laughing inside, because it was like I was being rewarded for this big shift I'm
making to saying yes as often as possible--earlier, I had been about to sweep that room,
broom in my hand and everything, but one of the kids asked for help with something, and
instead of my usual "hang on, I need to do this first" (believe me, with five kids I know
about the daily grind!!), I said, "Sure, honey." And I never did get back to sweeping that
room. Which is why the spider and the ants were still there for my kids to find later. We
watched them for the longest time. There were dozens of dead ant bodies lying under the
web. If we poked the web, the spider would run around and around in circles so fast we
couldn't see his legs. He was looking for the next ant.

Today they want me to read them Charlotte's Web. :)

Sara

Stan & Pam Aronow

Because the recommendation "send her to school" can be found in
magazines, phone book, billboard, TV ads, and from every chit-chatty
person at the grocery store, I would much prefer that this list not
become a place where one of the first recommendations is "send her to
school."

The "send her to school" response is a personal pet peeve of mine. I've
received this advice many times from family and well-meaning friends in
my own life. I have three children, Julia (9), Ian (5) and a 10 month
old baby, Adam. Julia adores being at home and proudly tells anyone who
asks that she is "unschooled." "Not homeschooled, UNschooled," she will
say. Ian is autistic and caring for him, keeping him safe and
unschooling him within his "special needs" can be extremely challenging.
So my family doesn't understand why I wouldn't "send" Julia to school
because it would then be easier for me to care for Ian at home and still
"manage" the baby. Nice message this would send Julia-"Hey kid, I can
sacrifice your needs and send you to school over your brother's needs."
Unschooling for me is really about meeting my children's needs first and
finding other solutions to challenges in my life that don't require that
my children suffer or give up what they deeply desire and love.

I really liked the previous advice about slowing down and really taking
the time to see what your kids want to do and enjoy. I've let go of so
many "have to's" and have learned to outsource (cleaning lady, lawn
guy), in order to really be with my kids.

I haven't posted before because I really don't have much time during the
day (or night!). But I am really enjoying the list. It is wonderful to
read what all you strong unschooling parents have to say. It really
helps me in my unschooling journey.

Pam Aronow


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

jenbgosh

--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...>
wrote:

> That thinking of "not an option" makes all involved more
powerless, more trapped, less free.
>
I have the opposite feeling about that.

I recently let go of school being an option in my mind, and I found
it tremendously powerful and freeing. School was lurking in the
back of my mind, always there as the last resort. When things went
bad around here, I found myself thinking that maybe a little school
for a little whiie wouldn't be such a bad idea.

By consciously dropping that option from my mind, I was more able to
concentrate on what the real sources of the difficulties were, and
to fully focus on solutions and ways to make our unschooling
experience better for everyone.

If my kids were to feel like school was somewhere they really,
really, wanted to go, then I would discuss that with them and we'd
go from there. But I needed to let go of the idea that I could
always "send them."

Sandra Dodd

-=-> That thinking of "not an option" makes all involved more
powerless, more trapped, less free.
>
-=-I have the opposite feeling about that.

-=-I recently let go of school being an option in my mind-=-


If you don't see what you're doing as a choice among choices, you
recreate school's "have to" attitude.
If children "have to" be homeschooled and it's not their choice, if
homeschooling "has to" work because school is not an option, it's not
freely chosen, and resentment will flow in.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

jenbgosh

> If children "have to" be homeschooled and it's not their choice, if
> homeschooling "has to" work because school is not an option, it's
not
> freely chosen, and resentment will flow in.
>

Yep.

If my kids were to feel like school was somewhere they really,
really, wanted to go, then I would discuss that with them and we'd
go from there.

Jennie