Happiness
Sandra Dodd
"Real happiness is not dependant on external things. The pond is fed
from within. The kind of happiness that stays with you is the
happiness that springs from inward thoughts and emotions. You must
cultivate your mind if you wish to achieve enduring happiness. You
must furnish your mind with interesting thoughts and ideas. For an
empty mind seeks pleasure as a substitute for happiness. " W.L.
Phelps
I had saved this quote, years ago. I went to look up this Phelps; he
was a literature professor at Yale, among other things.
I like the quote because it connects and sorts out lots of things.
This morning I found it hoping to share it with some people tomorrow
(not unschooling related), and noticed the "pond" and "springs"
terms, so it reminded me of my talk on "Flow" at a recent conference.
There's something alive and lively about happiness and learning and
thought.
Maybe this is the difference between watching TV with a happy mind
full of interesting thoughts and ideas, and watching TV with an empty
mind, dependant on external things.
Maybe this is the difference between kids who walk around at night
and break bottles and spray graffiti, and those who could afford
bottles and spray paint, but have other better things to do at night
(even if it's watching TV).
Last night on Wife Swap (which Holly and I watched together), there
were two families. Neither fit the definition above of happiness.
No member of either family fit that. Their happiness was all
dependant on external things. One family was too controlling and
shaming, and the other was too loose and scattered, but in neither
was there cultivation of mind, nor any emphasis on interesting
thoughts and ideas.
In the New York Times article and the UPI shorter report on that that
followed ( http://unschooling.blogspot.com ), the objections to
unschooling seem based on the assumption that happiness is dependant
on external things, and our children can't be happy because they
won't have those externals--school friends, quick college degrees and
the money that *might* follow... whatever.
Maybe the filling of a family with the happiness that springs from
inward thoughts and emotions, maybe the sharing of ideas through
words, music, images, stories, is part of what creates an unschooling
nest. Maybe what makes unschooling work well is a cultivation of
mind, and the sharing of minds, in a way.
Sandra
from within. The kind of happiness that stays with you is the
happiness that springs from inward thoughts and emotions. You must
cultivate your mind if you wish to achieve enduring happiness. You
must furnish your mind with interesting thoughts and ideas. For an
empty mind seeks pleasure as a substitute for happiness. " W.L.
Phelps
I had saved this quote, years ago. I went to look up this Phelps; he
was a literature professor at Yale, among other things.
I like the quote because it connects and sorts out lots of things.
This morning I found it hoping to share it with some people tomorrow
(not unschooling related), and noticed the "pond" and "springs"
terms, so it reminded me of my talk on "Flow" at a recent conference.
There's something alive and lively about happiness and learning and
thought.
Maybe this is the difference between watching TV with a happy mind
full of interesting thoughts and ideas, and watching TV with an empty
mind, dependant on external things.
Maybe this is the difference between kids who walk around at night
and break bottles and spray graffiti, and those who could afford
bottles and spray paint, but have other better things to do at night
(even if it's watching TV).
Last night on Wife Swap (which Holly and I watched together), there
were two families. Neither fit the definition above of happiness.
No member of either family fit that. Their happiness was all
dependant on external things. One family was too controlling and
shaming, and the other was too loose and scattered, but in neither
was there cultivation of mind, nor any emphasis on interesting
thoughts and ideas.
In the New York Times article and the UPI shorter report on that that
followed ( http://unschooling.blogspot.com ), the objections to
unschooling seem based on the assumption that happiness is dependant
on external things, and our children can't be happy because they
won't have those externals--school friends, quick college degrees and
the money that *might* follow... whatever.
Maybe the filling of a family with the happiness that springs from
inward thoughts and emotions, maybe the sharing of ideas through
words, music, images, stories, is part of what creates an unschooling
nest. Maybe what makes unschooling work well is a cultivation of
mind, and the sharing of minds, in a way.
Sandra
Sylvia Toyama
I love this quote, Sandra. Thanks for putting it here.
<snip>
Maybe this is the difference between watching TV with a happy mind
full of interesting thoughts and ideas, and watching TV with an empty
mind, dependant on external things.
Maybe this is the difference between kids who walk around at night
and break bottles and spray graffiti, and those who could afford
bottles and spray paint, but have other better things to do at night
(even if it's watching TV).
<snip>
I like this, too. That is the component in TV viewing by kids that most 'experts' miss -- they assume all TV time is mindless surrender to the story on the TV. Except for educational TV, that is -- which is often so mind-numbingly stilted and 'educational' that it really does drive kids to mindlessness!
Sylvia
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
<snip>
Maybe this is the difference between watching TV with a happy mind
full of interesting thoughts and ideas, and watching TV with an empty
mind, dependant on external things.
Maybe this is the difference between kids who walk around at night
and break bottles and spray graffiti, and those who could afford
bottles and spray paint, but have other better things to do at night
(even if it's watching TV).
<snip>
I like this, too. That is the component in TV viewing by kids that most 'experts' miss -- they assume all TV time is mindless surrender to the story on the TV. Except for educational TV, that is -- which is often so mind-numbingly stilted and 'educational' that it really does drive kids to mindlessness!
Sylvia
---------------------------------
Cheap Talk? Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call rates.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joel Gwynn
There's an excellent lecture here by Dan Gilbert, a Psychology professor, on
the science of Happiness:
http://ted.com/tedtalks/tedtalksplayer.cfm?key=d_gilbert
There's another one about Creativity and Learning here:
http://ted.com/tedtalks/tedtalksplayer.cfm?key=ken_robinson
The second lecture strikes a lot of familiar chords about self-directed
learning.
the science of Happiness:
http://ted.com/tedtalks/tedtalksplayer.cfm?key=d_gilbert
There's another one about Creativity and Learning here:
http://ted.com/tedtalks/tedtalksplayer.cfm?key=ken_robinson
The second lecture strikes a lot of familiar chords about self-directed
learning.
On 11/28/06, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> "Real happiness is not dependant on external things. The pond is fed
> from within. The kind of happiness that stays with you is the
> happiness that springs from inward thoughts and emotions. You must
> cultivate your mind if you wish to achieve enduring happiness. You
> must furnish your mind with interesting thoughts and ideas. For an
> empty mind seeks pleasure as a substitute for happiness. " W.L.
> Phelps
>
> I had saved this quote, years ago. I went to look up this Phelps; he
> was a literature professor at Yale, among other things.
> I like the quote because it connects and sorts out lots of things.
>
> This morning I found it hoping to share it with some people tomorrow
> (not unschooling related), and noticed the "pond" and "springs"
> terms, so it reminded me of my talk on "Flow" at a recent conference.
>
> There's something alive and lively about happiness and learning and
> thought.
>
> Maybe this is the difference between watching TV with a happy mind
> full of interesting thoughts and ideas, and watching TV with an empty
> mind, dependant on external things.
>
> Maybe this is the difference between kids who walk around at night
> and break bottles and spray graffiti, and those who could afford
> bottles and spray paint, but have other better things to do at night
> (even if it's watching TV).
>
> Last night on Wife Swap (which Holly and I watched together), there
> were two families. Neither fit the definition above of happiness.
> No member of either family fit that. Their happiness was all
> dependant on external things. One family was too controlling and
> shaming, and the other was too loose and scattered, but in neither
> was there cultivation of mind, nor any emphasis on interesting
> thoughts and ideas.
>
> In the New York Times article and the UPI shorter report on that that
> followed ( http://unschooling.blogspot.com ), the objections to
> unschooling seem based on the assumption that happiness is dependant
> on external things, and our children can't be happy because they
> won't have those externals--school friends, quick college degrees and
> the money that *might* follow... whatever.
>
> Maybe the filling of a family with the happiness that springs from
> inward thoughts and emotions, maybe the sharing of ideas through
> words, music, images, stories, is part of what creates an unschooling
> nest. Maybe what makes unschooling work well is a cultivation of
> mind, and the sharing of minds, in a way.
>
> Sandra
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
Some new writing, and something older that I had saved but never announced yet because it was sitting all alone. :-)
Newest part is by Colleen, and the older by Jenny C.
http://sandradodd.com/happy
"I wish more people could see that (to me anyway) that�s what unschooling does. It lets kids live. And play. And explore. And enjoy. It lets them live like they don�t need to earn happy."
That will make more sense in context, but it's beautiful either way.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Newest part is by Colleen, and the older by Jenny C.
http://sandradodd.com/happy
"I wish more people could see that (to me anyway) that�s what unschooling does. It lets kids live. And play. And explore. And enjoy. It lets them live like they don�t need to earn happy."
That will make more sense in context, but it's beautiful either way.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny Cyphers
***Some new writing, and something older that I had saved but never announced
yet because it was sitting all alone. :-)
Newest part is by Colleen, and the older by Jenny C.***
I skipped all the other threads when I popped online just now and went straight
to "Happiness"! I LOVE to be happy! I love to help others be happy! It was
fun to read something about happiness just now! It was fun to read something I
wrote and remembering why I wrote it.
I have a house full of people that want to be at my house. In the last couple
of weeks I've had several people on several different occasions tell me that my
home is a wonderful inviting place to be, that there is something here that
makes them feel comfortable and happy. My first response is "Really? Why? It's
tiny and crowded and messy and hardly any food ever." Nobody cares about that
stuff though. They like it here anyway. People sleep on my floors just to be
here.
I have a friend visiting from out of town and she misses home a lot, but doesn't
want to leave because she loves how happy my home is. I really love to create a
happy home for my family! It's amazing how it reaches out beyond family and
touches the lives of others.
***I was told when I was a child “you haven’t earned happy yet – talk to me when
you’re my age – when you’re my age we’ll talk.”***
It's amazing to me how many parents have that attitude. As if none of childhood
matters. I've actually had a parent tell me that he doesn't care if his kid is
happy, that he can be happy later after he takes care of business, meaning, get
good grades and do what you're told. That way of thinking is so far away from
what I believe that it's hard to even understand that view point. Happiness
matters! It matters a LOT! I have loads of anecdotal stories on this subject!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
yet because it was sitting all alone. :-)
Newest part is by Colleen, and the older by Jenny C.***
I skipped all the other threads when I popped online just now and went straight
to "Happiness"! I LOVE to be happy! I love to help others be happy! It was
fun to read something about happiness just now! It was fun to read something I
wrote and remembering why I wrote it.
I have a house full of people that want to be at my house. In the last couple
of weeks I've had several people on several different occasions tell me that my
home is a wonderful inviting place to be, that there is something here that
makes them feel comfortable and happy. My first response is "Really? Why? It's
tiny and crowded and messy and hardly any food ever." Nobody cares about that
stuff though. They like it here anyway. People sleep on my floors just to be
here.
I have a friend visiting from out of town and she misses home a lot, but doesn't
want to leave because she loves how happy my home is. I really love to create a
happy home for my family! It's amazing how it reaches out beyond family and
touches the lives of others.
***I was told when I was a child “you haven’t earned happy yet – talk to me when
you’re my age – when you’re my age we’ll talk.”***
It's amazing to me how many parents have that attitude. As if none of childhood
matters. I've actually had a parent tell me that he doesn't care if his kid is
happy, that he can be happy later after he takes care of business, meaning, get
good grades and do what you're told. That way of thinking is so far away from
what I believe that it's hard to even understand that view point. Happiness
matters! It matters a LOT! I have loads of anecdotal stories on this subject!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Katie Kees
I've learned so much from this group. I'm still trying to get unschooling (in my
mind) and apply it, but even the small changes that I've made have brought so
much more happiness to our family.
Last week we took our children to an indoor waterpark, which we have done many
other times. We always go on the Lazy river and I have always used my strength
and what I want (or don't want) to avoid the buckets of water that fall and the
waterfalls. It just didn't appeal to me. However, I've been making a choice to
say yes more often to my children. So as my daughter directed our float to the
dumping water I did not do anything to change that direction. Oh the joy on her
face and the laughter we both shared when that water was dumped on my head. I
wish I had a picture of her face at that moment. We did go around the river a
couple more times and she did not direct us to the waterfalls anymore, I would
guess because she knows I usually avoid them. As we got out and were heading to
a slide she hugged me and told me that she loved me and that I was the best mom.
She said that she hopes that she grows up to be just like me.
I know I have a long way to go but I'm so glad to see things in a different
light. I wasn't expecting anything from deciding to let her do what she liked,
but I sure was filled with joy and love from hearing those words from my
daughter.
Thanks for all the knowledge that you all share.
Katie
________________________________
From: Jenny Cyphers <jenstarc4@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wed, May 4, 2011 3:12:20 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Happiness
***Some new writing, and something older that I had saved but never announced
yet because it was sitting all alone. :-)
Newest part is by Colleen, and the older by Jenny C.***
I skipped all the other threads when I popped online just now and went straight
to "Happiness"! I LOVE to be happy! I love to help others be happy! It was
fun to read something about happiness just now! It was fun to read something I
wrote and remembering why I wrote it.
I have a house full of people that want to be at my house. In the last couple
of weeks I've had several people on several different occasions tell me that my
home is a wonderful inviting place to be, that there is something here that
makes them feel comfortable and happy. My first response is "Really? Why? It's
tiny and crowded and messy and hardly any food ever." Nobody cares about that
stuff though. They like it here anyway. People sleep on my floors just to be
here.
I have a friend visiting from out of town and she misses home a lot, but doesn't
want to leave because she loves how happy my home is. I really love to create a
happy home for my family! It's amazing how it reaches out beyond family and
touches the lives of others.
***I was told when I was a child “you haven’t earned happy yet – talk to me when
you’re my age – when you’re my age we’ll talk.”***
It's amazing to me how many parents have that attitude. As if none of childhood
matters. I've actually had a parent tell me that he doesn't care if his kid is
happy, that he can be happy later after he takes care of business, meaning, get
good grades and do what you're told. That way of thinking is so far away from
what I believe that it's hard to even understand that view point. Happiness
matters! It matters a LOT! I have loads of anecdotal stories on this subject!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mind) and apply it, but even the small changes that I've made have brought so
much more happiness to our family.
Last week we took our children to an indoor waterpark, which we have done many
other times. We always go on the Lazy river and I have always used my strength
and what I want (or don't want) to avoid the buckets of water that fall and the
waterfalls. It just didn't appeal to me. However, I've been making a choice to
say yes more often to my children. So as my daughter directed our float to the
dumping water I did not do anything to change that direction. Oh the joy on her
face and the laughter we both shared when that water was dumped on my head. I
wish I had a picture of her face at that moment. We did go around the river a
couple more times and she did not direct us to the waterfalls anymore, I would
guess because she knows I usually avoid them. As we got out and were heading to
a slide she hugged me and told me that she loved me and that I was the best mom.
She said that she hopes that she grows up to be just like me.
I know I have a long way to go but I'm so glad to see things in a different
light. I wasn't expecting anything from deciding to let her do what she liked,
but I sure was filled with joy and love from hearing those words from my
daughter.
Thanks for all the knowledge that you all share.
Katie
________________________________
From: Jenny Cyphers <jenstarc4@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wed, May 4, 2011 3:12:20 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Happiness
***Some new writing, and something older that I had saved but never announced
yet because it was sitting all alone. :-)
Newest part is by Colleen, and the older by Jenny C.***
I skipped all the other threads when I popped online just now and went straight
to "Happiness"! I LOVE to be happy! I love to help others be happy! It was
fun to read something about happiness just now! It was fun to read something I
wrote and remembering why I wrote it.
I have a house full of people that want to be at my house. In the last couple
of weeks I've had several people on several different occasions tell me that my
home is a wonderful inviting place to be, that there is something here that
makes them feel comfortable and happy. My first response is "Really? Why? It's
tiny and crowded and messy and hardly any food ever." Nobody cares about that
stuff though. They like it here anyway. People sleep on my floors just to be
here.
I have a friend visiting from out of town and she misses home a lot, but doesn't
want to leave because she loves how happy my home is. I really love to create a
happy home for my family! It's amazing how it reaches out beyond family and
touches the lives of others.
***I was told when I was a child “you haven’t earned happy yet – talk to me when
you’re my age – when you’re my age we’ll talk.”***
It's amazing to me how many parents have that attitude. As if none of childhood
matters. I've actually had a parent tell me that he doesn't care if his kid is
happy, that he can be happy later after he takes care of business, meaning, get
good grades and do what you're told. That way of thinking is so far away from
what I believe that it's hard to even understand that view point. Happiness
matters! It matters a LOT! I have loads of anecdotal stories on this subject!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Rippy and Graham Dusseldorp
Sandra Dodd wrote:
-=- The largest part of happiness has to do with gratitude and joy. -=-
A big way happiness grows inside of me is by sharing it. Doing things that make people light up. Doing things that help make people's lives easier and better. Doing things for my family, friends, neighbours, plants, animals, strangers, even people that I'm not fond of. Sometimes big things, but most often lots and lots and lots of little things - a smile, a kind word, some encouragement, a friendly gesture, sharing a helpful link, listening to someone's troubles, sharing a funny story or an inspiring one, etc. I notice that it is infectious and that the person I shared a kindness with often does something to light up another person. How wonderful!
I feel happier when I have done something to help someone have a better day. I honestly can't remember a day where I haven't done this, multiple times a day. And I'm a pretty happy person, so I think it works.
Rippy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-=- The largest part of happiness has to do with gratitude and joy. -=-
A big way happiness grows inside of me is by sharing it. Doing things that make people light up. Doing things that help make people's lives easier and better. Doing things for my family, friends, neighbours, plants, animals, strangers, even people that I'm not fond of. Sometimes big things, but most often lots and lots and lots of little things - a smile, a kind word, some encouragement, a friendly gesture, sharing a helpful link, listening to someone's troubles, sharing a funny story or an inspiring one, etc. I notice that it is infectious and that the person I shared a kindness with often does something to light up another person. How wonderful!
I feel happier when I have done something to help someone have a better day. I honestly can't remember a day where I haven't done this, multiple times a day. And I'm a pretty happy person, so I think it works.
Rippy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I feel happier when I have done something to help someone have a better day. I honestly can't remember a day where I haven't done this, multiple times a day. And I'm a pretty happy person, so I think it works.-=-
I got to stay with Rippy and her family this summer. She is a fountain of happiness, and ideas, and kindness.
Next summer I'm going back, and Joyce will go with me. We'll meet with unschoolers in Leiden and so anyone who's in Europe or would like to consider being there might want to consider that. :-) The last weekend in June, very likely.
And the first week in June, Joyce and I will be in Lisbon with Marta. http://sandradoddemlisboa.blogspot.com
There will be Yarrow-Vallen/Scotland and west-of-London gatherings, too.
If our kids could magically be there, especially if they could be kids again, young teens, perhaps, unschooling would come easily to those who met them. As it is now, our children are all grown and busy with jobs and hobbies and friends, and it's expensive to get across the ocean.
For those in the southwestern U.S., though, or able to get there, in late December all of my kids (though grown) and at least one of Pam Sorooshian's, will be in Albuquerque. http://sandradodd.com/all
Happiness is crucial to unschooling. Natural learning can't flourish amidst criticism, shaming and pressure.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I got to stay with Rippy and her family this summer. She is a fountain of happiness, and ideas, and kindness.
Next summer I'm going back, and Joyce will go with me. We'll meet with unschoolers in Leiden and so anyone who's in Europe or would like to consider being there might want to consider that. :-) The last weekend in June, very likely.
And the first week in June, Joyce and I will be in Lisbon with Marta. http://sandradoddemlisboa.blogspot.com
There will be Yarrow-Vallen/Scotland and west-of-London gatherings, too.
If our kids could magically be there, especially if they could be kids again, young teens, perhaps, unschooling would come easily to those who met them. As it is now, our children are all grown and busy with jobs and hobbies and friends, and it's expensive to get across the ocean.
For those in the southwestern U.S., though, or able to get there, in late December all of my kids (though grown) and at least one of Pam Sorooshian's, will be in Albuquerque. http://sandradodd.com/all
Happiness is crucial to unschooling. Natural learning can't flourish amidst criticism, shaming and pressure.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]